Contributing blogger Darian Aaron is an Alabama native who now calls Atlanta home. He’s the creator of Living Out Loud with Darian, a blog that offers his take on social, political and religious issues that impact the LGBT community.

Are black gay men ruining the dating pool for black women?

Well urban blogger Necole Bitchie and a slew of angry single black women seem to think so. In a post published last week on NecoleBitchie.com titled “Is There A Straight Man In Atlanta”, Bitchie complains about the well dressed gay men in attendance at an after party hosted by Dwight Eubanks from “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” and the alleged shortage of heterosexual men available for black women in Atlanta.

What follows in the comment section of the post is the usual blame game; “we’re single because all of the good men are either married, broke, in jail, or gay”. And for the icing on the cake; plenty of speculation about the HIV/AIDS rates in Atlanta (as if it’s only being transmitted through homosexual sex).

This type of gay baiting is one reason why I choose not to frequent urban blogs, when all else fails comments and traffic is almost guaranteed when you start talking about the gays to a hypocritical audience armed with a bible and a shit load of their own problems that they can’t even begin to address.

Necole Bitchie has been the exception and I’ve always admired her for not taking the low road. She’s on top of her game and I don’t mind giving props when they are due. So what happened?

After I calmed down I realized the opinions expressed were not isolated but a widely held belief among many black women that I’d heard before, particularly in Atlanta. But what these women fail to realize is that they have more in common with us than they think, we’re not the enemy.

Is their a large number of gay black men in Atlanta? Yes. Are we the majority? Of course not. Actually we’re a minority within a minority.

Yet it’s become so easy for some black women to blame their “lack of'” on us. What’s so ironic about the whole thing is that while it may appear that black gay men in Atlanta have more options as far as mates, there’s still plenty of men who are single, lonely, and depressed. Sound familiar ladies? So the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

A bit of advice: Stop wasting your energy getting all riled up about something that could never be yours to begin with.

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