What did guys get stuck in their rectums last year?

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Left to our own devices, it seems guys will stick just about any object in their rectum for pleasure, to hide it from police or to attempt a home remedy for constipation. And leave it there. Sometimes for days.

That's the takeaway from our plundering of the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission's database of emergency room visits. The data is for 2014, which are the most recent reports available. The descriptions are taken verbatim from the database.

  • A 20YOM TO ER WITH DILDO STUCK IN RECTUM FOR 7 DAYS    
  • 21YOM INSERTED A VIBRATOR INSIDE HIS RECTUM UNABLE TO GET IT OUT
  • 58 YR OLD MALE HAS 2 GOLF BALLS UP RECTUM AND WANTS TO HAVE REMOVED
  • 22 YOM HAS SEX TOY STUCK IN RECTUM
  • 50YOM WAS AT A “FISTING PARTY” AND HAS A SPIKEY RUBBER BALL THAT LIGHTS UP STUCK IN RECTUM
  • 45 YO M WITH VIBRATOR IN RECTUM
  • 35YOM PT COMPLAINING OF FOREIGN BODY IN RECTUM USING VIBRATOR GOT STUCK
  • 58YOM INSERTED GLASS WATER BOTTLE INTO RECTUM FOR PLEASURE ONE HR AGO. ADMITS TO COCAINE EARLIER
  • 55 YOM CONTAINER IN RECTUM
  • 47 YOM GOLF BALL IN RECTUM
  • 63YOM RUBBER VIBRATOR STUCK IN RECTUM FOR 1 NIGHT. STATES UNABLE TO PASS
  • 45YOM THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS AFTER HIM SO HE PUT PLASTIC BAG/PILL BOTTLES UP RECTUM
  • 29 YOM POSSIBLE ECTASY AND MARIJUANA IN HIS RECTUM, HAD ALREADY GIVEN THE COCAINE TO THE POLICE, DRUGS CONTAINED IN BAGS
  • 25 YOM INSERTED A DILDO INTO RECTUM LAST NIGHT & IS UNABLE TO RETRIEVE IT
  • 29 YO M PT WAS USING A SEX VIBRATOR IN HIS RECTUM AND FELT SHARP PAIN
  • 17YOM WITH A VIBRATOR STUCK IN RECTUM
  • 50 YOM PLACED A CAN OF HAIR MOUSSE IN RECTUM YESTERDAY OR THE DAY BEFORE & IT IS STUCK
  • 22YOM DOG TOY INSERTED IN RECTAL
  • 55 YOM PRESENTS TO ED WITH AN AEROSOL CAN STUCK IN RECTUM
  • 66YOM WITH FOREIGN BODY IN RECTUM DILDO GETTING STUCK IN RECTUM. UNABLE TO REMOVE
  • 48 YOM BACKING INTO A WOODEN DOOR WITH ARMS FULL  USING BUTTOCKS TO OPEN DOOR GOT A SPLINTER IN ONE OF THE BUTTOCKS
  • 63YOM SEVERE RECTAL DISCOMFORT; HAS EGG IN RECTUM
  • 40 YO M PT PUT A SALT SHAKER UP HIS RECTUM UNABLE TO GET IT OUT
  • 23YM INSERTED THOOTHBRUSH CASE INTO RECTUM FOR SELF PLEASURE
  • 59 YR OLD MALE PUT A FLASH LIGHT INTO RECTUM AND HAD TO BE REMOVED AND IN HOSP FOR OBSERVATION NOW
  • 46 YO M RECTAL PAIN, BLEEDING THIS AFTERNOON, THINKS HE HAS TOOTHBRUS CASE IN RECTUM, DOESN'T KNOW HOW B/C HE WAS DRUNK
  • 35 YOM LOST A SEXUAL TOY IN RECTUM YESTERDAY
  • 63 YOM WAS USING A DILDO IN RECTUM WHEN IT GOT STUCK
  • 29YOM W/FOREIGN BODY IN RECTUM 2/2 INSERTING A SMALL EMPTY GLASS IN RECTUM IN ATTEMPT TO HELP RELIEVE CONSTIPATION
  • 34 YOM STATES HAS A RUBBER DIIDO UP HIS RECTUM FOR 24 HRS CAN NOT REMOVE
  • 51YOM WITH RECTAL FOREIGN BODY. STATES HE HAS A LARGE SEX TOY STUCK IN RECTUM
  • 26YOM PT COMPLAINING OF HAVING A VIBRATOR STUCK IN RECTUM
  • 28YOM INSERTED DRINKING GLASS IN RECTUM AND IT BROKE
  • 68YOM ROUND EDGED MARKER IN A GLOVE STUCK IN RECTUM X2 DAYS
  • 45 YOM LOST VIBRATOR IN RECTUM
  • 57YOM USED GEL IN RECTUM, FEELS PART OF TUB CAP IN STOMACH, OCCURED WHILE APPLYING PRESSURE TO TUBE
  • 85YOM PT COMPLAINING OF FOREIGN BODY IN ANUS STUCK CANDLE IN ANUS AT HOME TO HELP WITH CONSTIPATION
  • A 17YOM WAS PLAYING BASKETBALL IN GYM CLASS, FELL, GOT WOOD SPLINTER IN BUTTOCK
  • 59YOM W/FOREIGN BODY IN RECTUM PLACING A REGULAR SIZED BEER BOTTLEIN HIS RECTUM FOR PLEASURE
  • 54 YR OLD MALE PUT SCREWDRIVER UP RECTUM AND TAKEN TO OR
  • 56 YOM PUT CAP OF AEROSOL CAN IN RECTUM WHILE SLEEP WALKING 4 DAYS AGO

[h/t Deadspin]

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