‘True Blood’: ‘Run!’ from worst episode ever

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READ MORE | View our weekly recaps and coverage of "True Blood" imageAs Sookie heads to another dreamland bed and the witches and vampires head to another battle this week, we gotta ask: Are brief nude scenes and light teases keeping your interest in “True Blood”? We have loved the guilty pleasure of this show for years, so we held off from flat-out calling out its fiasco fourth season as long as we could. But after seeing that there are only three episodes left, we’re going there. What used to be fun and hokey is now just hokey. Plots that used to twist and turn in surprising ways just spiral with no payoff. And is it just us? The cheap thrills are now just cheap. The show got the green light recently to do Season 5, but right now, we’re not sure that’s a good thing. True to this week’s episode title, “Run!” has us wanting to bolt alright. Sookie’s big dramatic gunshot wound from last week disappears too suddenly. Apparently, all she needed was Bill to spill some blood, Alcide to cry, and a good long nap. In her dream, she imagines a world in which she can have her Bill and eat Eric too (top photo). She’s dressed in a ridiculous Frederick’s of Hollywood number, and just as the two-vamps-one-girl action gets heated, she wakes up. Can we have some crackers to go with that cheese? imageAnd last week’s “climactic” – and we use the term loosely – witch war? It’s over. Maybe they all got bored and just went home. We can relate. While casualties appeared to be stacking up quickly in the three-minute battle scene we saw last week, all of the injured characters appear unharmed this week. What the… In theory, the ghost lady taking over Lafayette’s body should provide some good baby-snatching, baby-rescuing action. In reality, not so much. For a show that has had a knack for making the implausible seem fun, at least in a guilty-pleasure sorta way, the standoff with too many cast members misses the mark by a mile. Half-hearted homophobic jokes hurled Jesus’ way don’t help. And when the best scene of the whole crappy episode is the ghost and her dead-baby ghost exiting La-La’s body in a spectacle of magic light (second photo), you know it’s bad. Elsewhere in dumbland, Sam and Luna go camping so that Tommy can shape-shift into Sam again. Refereeing that go-nowhere scene does give Alcide something to do, but seriously, two seconds of him naked earlier in the episode is all we really needed him to do. Elsewhere, Jason finally screws Jessica and screws over Hoyt. We liked it better when he was just dreaming about doing them both. Jim Parrack, who plays Hoyt, is talking about filming that ride the Stackhouse pony scene as if it was hardcore man-on-man action instead of the blink-and-you-missed it reality. Gays update: Still no romance for Lafayette and Jesus. Stay tuned and hope? imageSo we end at the Tolerance Conference, where Nan and Bill are working on vampire public relations. Planning a rematch at the conference, Marnie-cum-Antonia bewitches the now-useless Eric (bottom photo) to kill Bill, and not in a brilliant Quentin Tarantino way. She coerces the rest of her crew to stick with her at yet another showdown, and while chaos begins to ensue, a giant sackful of nada happens before the credits roll. Yeah, thanks for nothing. While we’d like to say that the impending brouhaha has us on pins and needles for next week, we’re too busy mourning the loss of that true “True Blood” magic. We’ll stick it through and see how it all turns out, and hopefully, the show can pull something good out of its ass in the final three episodes.


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