The night Ronald McDonald gay sexed me

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imageLongtime gay foodie Cliff Bostock – who recently made it easier for us to find mouth-watering boners in Atlanta – hates the food at McDonald’s. Not surprising. But shagging Ronald McDonald, the food chain’s iconic mascot? Now that’s special.

I walked to the closet. The terrycloth robe was front and center. As I took it off the hanger, I noticed something brilliantly orange on the shelf above. A big wig! In fact, there were two or three more such wigs. Then I noticed something like yellow overalls.

“Holy shit,” I thought. “It’s Ronald McDonald’s costume.”

Of course, I didn’t think he was seriously Ronald McDonald. I thought maybe it was a Halloween costume. But, then, why would anyone need three such costumes? Maybe it was a sexual fetish. Had he dressed up like Ronald the night before? Did he try to get me to? There was no lipstick on me.

Bostock recounted the hook-up from years ago in a recent post on Sacred Disorder, his non-foodie blog. It came courtesy of the pre-Grindr days when adult bookstores and jack shacks were more popular and gay men did their cruising face to face.

The Ronald he snagged? He wore the makeup and lipstick as a gig to tide him over until his hoped-for porn career took off, Bostock recounts.

He took being an emblem of dreadful food very seriously and his contract required that he not reveal his identity. “Imagine,” he told me once, “if everyone found out I’m gay. I’d be immediately branded a burger-peddling pedophile.”

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