Contributing blogger Mike Alvear is an Atlanta-based columnist, author and TV personality who rants on sex, dating and pop culture while living at the corner of urge and merge. Find more from him at his blog.
From a reader:
I only use silicon lubes but they’re starting to ruin my love life. They ruin the freakin’ sheets! You should see the look on the dates I bring home when they see the lube stains! How do I get them out?
Spot removers like Oxy Clean will work, but only if you wash the sheets as quickly as possible (and in the hottest water safe for the material). But that’s a no-go unless you’re self-servicing. What are you supposed to do when you’ve just finished with a date in your arms– flip ‘em off the bed, strip the sheets, gun them with spot remover, shove them in the washer, jump back into bed and say, “Now, where were we?”
Great. Save the sheets, lose the date. Although, depending on how many shots you knocked back the night before, saving the fabric over the prey may be a better move. In that case, get the spot completely out before you put the sheets in the dryer, otherwise the heat will bake the spot in.
Your best bet for clothing or bedspreads? The dry cleaners. They use commercial products that aren’t available to the likes of you and me.
So why bother with a silicon rather than water-based lube? Because it’s so good, it’ll help you squeeze a Cadillac into a doghouse. The silky smooth texture lasts so long nobody has to stop in the middle of the action to re-apply. Meaning, you don’t have to install that in-bedroom, three-gallon wall pump of water based lube you were thinking about.
The real secret to stain-free silicon shagging is squeezing out just enough so it doesn’t drip when you apply it. If you fumble during the tumble and make a big spill, even the manufacturers say only one thing will work: Luck.