‘Runway’ recap: Team Gay’s pet shop boys

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imageThe gays have it this week as “Project Runway” challenges designers to a pet project that turns pet store goods into fashion greats. The judges’ decisions aren’t spot-on, but the men dominate the scoring.

It’s ironic that all three of the highest scoring competitors are probably new to dominating anyone and being called the tops. Nevertheless, Anthony Ryan’s birdseed-beaded mini dress, Bronzer Josh’s aquarium-rock halter and Olivier’s dog-bed/hamster stuffing cocktail dress (top photo, l-r) do make the grade.

imageFor two of them, their attitudes get in the way of any burgeoning talent. Olivier’s British-via-Midwestern gaysian accent is even more pretentious than Madonna’s. What’s worse, Bronzer Josh may have him beat: His “More is more” philosophy is clear without his inarticulate explanation, and it comes through not only on the runway but in his overstated comments and those tortured eyebrows that make him look surprised and coked out all the time.

But stay tuned, “Runway” fans. We see bigger bitches brewing in this week’s safe middle-ground competitors. How long can Bert stand the shenanigans of the younguns, the rules of the competition, and keep his sharp tongue in check? When will Viktor lose it on some unsuspecting stander-by? It’s only a matter of time in both cases. And we still have that sinking feeling about Priviledged Barbie Laura and wild-eyed Julie.

Sadly, the nicest gays bookend the playing field by falling into the bottom three. Bryce gives us the uncomfortable urge to pee with his fluffy wee-wee pad skirt, and Bald Josh crashes and burns with his Jersey Shore Bar Ho dress made from a puppy-print umbrella.

imageDeparting from personalities and sticking to the runway momentarily, the judges are a little cracked out in their scoring this week. Sure, we’re gay so we’re happy that gays are showing well so far, but we actually loved Kimberly’s architectural top the most this week (second photo), and Anya also created a stunner out of leashes (third photo). Either of them could have replaced Bronzer Josh on the top rung — and maybe even Olivier, whose top was kinda dumpy — but both women were deemed simply safe.

We also disagree that Fallene fell into the bottom three with Bryce and Bald Josh. Her orange and brown cocktail dress wasn’t as hideous as Julie’s paper bag dress. That Fallene fell further into the bottom two was an even bigger injustice. You might have heard our gasp when Bryce was sent to safety.

At least the judges made the right call in the final auf’ing. With two strikes in two weeks, Bald Josh graciously accepted his defeat. We’re kind of glad the Josh Sisters are split up before bronzer and bitchery rubbed off on the nice one.

Tune in next week for an outdoor runway show on stilts. Yeah, it may prove to be the show’s jump-the-shark moment, but like the proverbial train wreck, we know we won’t be able to turn away if that’s the case. Until then, bide your time with the news that Michael Kors is gay-marrying his longtime boyfriend.

Check out the all of this week’s looks on the show’s “Rate the Runway” page.


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