Running scared from that other ‘L’ Word: Love

Add this share

Q:

My girlfriend is getting too close for comfort. She says my past heartbreaks are obstacles to me feeling the same way about her as she does about me: in love.

She leaves things at my house and wants to introduce me to her mom. Then I want to bolt.

Why do people do this when things are fine as is?

Dear Phobia:

None of your girlfriend’s actions constitute a lifetime obligation. Stick around long enough to discover what’s next. Progress comes from outside your comfort zone, and an extra toothbrush in the bathroom isn’t that bad.

She is the one who said your heartbreaks are obstacles, but you included it, so it might ring true somewhere in your subconscious. Consider whether an emotional shield against being hurt in the future could hurt you in the present. Sit openly with that possibility and weigh how it makes you feel.

Q:

I’ll never forget my ex’s alcoholic, spiteful, cheating and backstabbing behavior. It was bad. Like, call-the-cops bad. Hair-pulling, throwing things, the whole nine.

That was years ago, but an acquaintance who wasn’t around back then is dating my ex now. I felt I owed it to the friend to warn her about this toxic P.O.S., so I did. Now she’s mad at me.

I was just trying to protect the friend from trouble, but somehow now I’m the bad guy. I give zero fucks about the ex, but how can I move forward with the friend?

Dear Hardcase:

Even if you’re right, you’re wrong. Injecting your experiences on someone else, much less unsolicited, is not your place. Their relationship is not about you.

Your dire predictions may be accurate, but maybe not. Just because the ex was a nightmare with you doesn’t mean she hasn’t changed or learned her lessons, or that your friend will make the same mistakes you did.

On top of all that, you’re the exact wrong person to offer these people advice. To you, she’s the asshole who wreaked havoc. To your friend, she’s a burgeoning romance trying to grow. You’re the odd woman out.

Your friend’s reaction was predictable, even probable. You can try to rebuild trust by admitting to yourself what you did wrong and then apologize sincerely.

Assuming you’re able to repair the damage, stop judging – even and especially if you’re right about their eventual bad outcome. If your prediction is correct, be prepared to take “I told you so” to the grave to save the friendship.

The Q is intended for entertainment purposes and not as professional counseling. Send your burning Qs to [email protected]

Illustration by Brad Gibson

This column appeared in Q ATLus magazine. Read the latest issue online here:

Pick up each new edition of QATLus at LGBTQ and allied venues around Atlanta.

THE LATEST

10 people you never, ever want to date again

You know them. Maybe you loved them. Just say no to the these 10 LGBTQ people who we never, ever want to date again.   Bitter &...

The best LGBTQ things to do in Atlanta this weekend

Shows, sports and other queer shenanigans top a busy list of Atlanta events for LGBTQ and allied weekenders. Keep scrolling and click on each event...

Gender nonconforming person beaten, puppy stolen in Midtown

An armed robber pistol-whipped a 53-year-old gender nonconforming person in his Midtown home last month then stole the victim's puppy. The suspect is still...

Q ATLus catches Atlanta dreaming of Pride Weekend

Every last one of us will probably take a different route to celebrating Pride 2021, and that’s OK. With love in their hearts and safety...

Atlanta at center of jump in anti-LGBTQ hate crimes

Two-thirds of the 28 anti-LGBTQ hate crimes reported in Georgia by the FBI in 2020 occurred in metro Atlanta. The number of overall hate crimes...
17,446FansLike
7,001FollowersFollow
7,682FollowersFollow

PHOTO GALLERIES