Project ‘Idol’: Wednesday’s Top 11 eliminations

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imageAnother elimination night, another cheesy, over-dramatic opening montage as if “American Idol” is some kind of Bourne thriller. If only. At least Matt Damon can carry a tune, unlike many of the now Top 10.

The Top 10 get to go on the “Idol Tour” this summer, which means six months of whistle stops before the majority of them disappear into anonymity once again.

I mean, seriously, can you remember who the Top 10 were last year besides Kris and Adam? And Kris is already doing Ford commercials and singing at theme parks.

imageThe producers must sit back and laugh their asses off when coming up with the weekly group sing. This week it was Wham’s uber-gay “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go,” which was auto-tuned to perfection and lip-synched by the cast.

I noticed Michael Lynche wasn’t even bothering to sing the right lyrics, just moving his lips. Hilariously bad.

Miley Cyrus plays the piano? She claimed in a recent interview she learned to play in two lessons. Ummm…riiiiiiight. She’s a regular fucking Tori Amos.

Notice how they never showed her hands on the keyboard and the piano continued to play even after she stood up. I thought she was going to lose her hair extensions while she was whipping her head around during the overwrought power ballad “When I Look at You.”

imagePurity-ring virgin Joe Jonas and his girlfriend, Demi Lovato, sang a duet. I have no idea what the song was called, but it was Up with People pablum and the perfect time for a bathroom break.

The bottom three were Paige Miles, Tim Urban and, in a minor shock, Katie Stevens (photos, top to bottom). However, Miss Seacrest sent Katie back to safety almost immediately.

Paige wasn’t even given a chance at the “judges’ save” after Simon said there was no way in hell they would waste it on her. Ouch.

Next week, Usher is the mentor for R&B/soul night.

Collin. Out.

imageCollin Kelley is a poet, Atlanta-based journalist and author of the recently released novel, “Conquering Venus.” Follow him on the Modern Confessional blog at


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