Many thanks to Project Q’s Mike Fleming for stepping in and recapping “American Idol” Tuesday night while I was reading from novel at Tallahassee Pridefest. I agreed almost 100 percent with Mike’s assessment of “Elvis Night” after watching the performances.
On Monday, “Idol” executive producer Ken Warwick confirmed my suspicions about Adam Lambert being this week’s mentor. He told Entertainment Weekly that Adam’s career was “struggling” and that perhaps a guest shot on “Idol” would help.
Ummm…no. Adam should go to Broadway or he’s going to wind up playing county fairs and doing Ford commercials like last season’s winner, Kris Allen. I digress…
The Top 9 were forced into more awkward choreography while badly lip-synching a medley of Elvis hits. If he weren’t already dead, Elvis would have surely choked on a banana sandwich and shot out his television.
Fourteen minutes into the show, Andrew Garcia (top photo) was – finally! – eliminated. Last night’s cover of “Hound Dog” was definitely a howler, and even during his goodbye song, he was off-key and breathless. Take your Mr. Magoo glasses, get the tattoo lasered off your neck and find another career, because singing ain’t it.
Season 7 cast-off, Brooke White, showed up with Miley Cyrus’ ex boyfriend, panty model and wannabe country singer Justin Gaston to sing some Elvis song I’d never heard before. When your only claim to fame is boning an underage pop star, surely someone called in a favor, because Justin can’t sing a fucking note.
Then Tim Urban, Big Mike and Katie Stevens (second through fourth photos) were left hanging so Glambert could sing “Whataya Want From Me,” which has been out for ages. He was nearly obscured by the fog machine and a laser show worthy of Stone Mountain.
Ultimately, Katie got the boot after weeks of robotic, soulless performances. Take your tierra and your sash, and please spray a little Lysol in the dressing room to clear out that pageant stank.
Next week is Idol Gives Back, which means no one goes home and celebrities help raise money for charity. Black Eyed Peas, Joss Stone, Carrie Underwood, Sir Elton John and Annie Lennox are all expected to appear.
Collin Kelley is a poet, Atlanta-based journalist and author of the recently released novel, “Conquering Venus.” Follow him on the Modern Confessional blog at collinkelley.com.