Project ‘Idol’: Top 5 becomes the Top 4

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READ MORE | Project ‘Idol’ recaps from each week

imageIt’s a good thing the producers lined up Lady Gaga for Wednesday’s elimination show, because Tuesday’s “American Idol” ratings were in the toilet. Once unbeatable, this season has seen “Idol” beaten by “Dancing With the Stars” and reruns of “Matlock” on TV Land.

OK, I made that last one up.

Hopefully, you were out celebrating Cinco de Mayo instead of watching the Top 5 turn Frank Sinatra’s classics into background music for the $8.99 early bird buffet. “Idol” is officially Cinco de Sucko. I’ll have the Salisbury steak platter and a gimlet, please.

imageIf Sinatra were alive, he would surely be Chairman of the Bored (I’ll be here all week…tip your waiter) after watching the lip-synch hell medley of his greatest hits. There was also a harbinger of Casey James’ future in the Ford commercial where he was depicted as a hapless waiter.

Lady Gaga cavorted around in a widow’s veil singing her next single “Alejandro,” while a group of bare-chested men in half-onesies waltzed with each other. She wasn’t in good voice, but I admire that she refuses to lip-synch even while doing dance routines. I think “Idol” was so damn boring that it kinda sucked the hot out of her, and they were trying to cover her ass with fog and longshots.

There was an actually funny bit (so few and far between on this show) with Harry Connick Jr. cracking on the Top 5 for being unable to sing in key. He was probably only half joking. Then we were forced to listen to the Top 5 sing a medley of the Connick songbook.

Michael “Big Mike” Lynch and Aaron Kelly (photos, top to bottom) were this week’s bottom two, and the tween vote wasn’t enough to save Aaron. Go home and finish high school, kid. Come back when your sack drops.

Next week, it’s “Songs of the Cinema” with Jamie Foxx as mentor. That scraping sound you hear is “Idol” at the bottom of the barrel.

Collin. Out.

imageCollin Kelley is a poet, Atlanta-based journalist and author of the recently released novel, “Conquering Venus.” Follow him on the Modern Confessional blog at collinkelley.com.

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