Before the results, we had to listen to the auto-tuned, lip-synched group sing of “I Got A Feeling” by the Black Eyed Peas. I’m not even sure it was the actual Top 20 singing, because all the voices sounded eerily robotic and alike. If you have to auto-tune the contestants on a singing competition, it doesn’t say much about the producers’ belief in its singers. Just sayin’…
Shania Twain might have liked John Park’s bottom end, lips and head, but America wasn’t buying it. Park (top photo) was sent home about 11 minutes into the hour. His early promise bottomed out, but then again, so did the godawful Todrick Hall, who has somehow survived another week despite showing plenty of attitude and ego yet very little singing ability.
I am thrilled that the wretched Jermaine Sellers (second photo) is gone! The mouthy ego-tripping church singer said after he was eliminated that “in God there is no failure.” Well, except Thursday night. Take your wonky bowties, your fingerless gloves and find a little humility the next time you’re in church.
Despite the fact that he can’t sing, hunky Tim Urban lived to sing another week. He needs to get on the computer tonight and immediately upload another set of shirtless photos. And maybe show a little ass this time.
Danny Gokey, who I detested last season for relentlessly pimping his dead wife to gain votes, showed up to sing his schmaltzy, countrified new single and pimp his dead wife one more time. He turns my stomach.
Corporate party singer Michele Delamor (third photo) is also outta there, and Haeley Vaughn (fourth photo) finally stopped smiling for a moment when Miss Seacrest told her she was eliminated. Haeley’s reprise of Miley’s “The Climb” was even worse than last night, so horribly out of tune that I muted the sound.
P.S. Am I the only one who thinks it’s hilarious that the exit music for the failed contestants is Will Young’s “Leave Right Now”? For trivia lovers, Will is the out-and-proud winner of the first season of the UK’s “Pop Idol,” the show that begat the U.S. version.
Collin Kelley is a poet, Atlanta-based journalist and author of the recently released novel, “Conquering Venus.” Follow him on the Modern Confessional blog at collinkelley.com.