Let’s be honest, Mama Sox really should win this, but we all know the most talented doesn’t always win, so that means One Note Deweezie could easily walk off with the show.
Crystal would probably be better off coming in second. She’s got millions of fan now, will go on a big concert tour with the other contestants this summer, and she’ll have more freedom to craft her own album.
The three songs were a favorite from the season picked by the contestant, one picked by the producers, and the “coronation” song the winner is required to sing and release as a single. This year, the coronation songs are covers rather than schmaltzy, inspirational originals. Thank god for small favors.
Lee Dewyze: He chose to revisit “The Boxer,” which sounded even worse tonight, complete with Muzak arrangement. Ellen said it sounded better – she’s obviously playing lesbian reverse psychology with our asses. The producer selected REM’s “Everybody Hurts,” and it was, indeed, painful. He tried to make the ballad uptempo and was so far off melody even Nancy Drew couldn’t have tracked it down. As for the song he’ll release if he wins, it’s a cover of U2’s “Beautiful Day,” and he sounded fucking awful. If Bono wasn’t already in pain from his back surgery, he’d surely need meds after this turd.
Crystal Bowersox: Mama chose “Me and Bobby McGee” for her first song, with her microphone stand looking like a giant bong. She clobbered Lee with her effortless reading of Janis Joplin’s classic. The producer’s picked the warhorse “Black Velvet,” which Crystal turned into a blues/rock belter. As for the song she’ll release, it’s Patty Griffin’s “Up to the Mountain” and she nailed it.
Mama cleaned Lee’s clock on every song in the finale showcase.
Wednesday night will be two hours of tedium until the winner is named. Simon will say his farewell to the show, and rumor has it that our favorite pillhead, Paula Abdul, will be there for the tribute.
Collin Kelley is a poet, Atlanta-based journalist and author of the recently released novel, “Conquering Venus.” Follow him on the Modern Confessional blog at collinkelley.com.