Project ‘Idol’: Hollywood Week, Part 2

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imageIf you watched Wednesday’s “American Idol” and asked your boyfriend, girlfriend or cat “who the fuck are these people?” you’re not alone. The majority of singers seem new, but it’s typical “Idol.”

There were some good performances, but even Ellen (photo) seemed aghast at much of the backstage shenanigans and the resulting performances.

Cheers, tears and queers were in abundance, along with a healthy dose of diva attitude, most of it coming from Todrick “I Toured With Fantasia in ‘The Color Purple’” Hall, who I already hate.

Todrick was part of Destiny’s Wild (gag me), who pitched a big hissy when another group, Neapolitan, also decided to sing an a cappella version of Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance.” I thought both groups sounded like shit, but the judges put them through.

Team Awesome included Michael “Big Mike” Lynche, whose wife gave birth to a daughter while he yelled “push that baby out” on his cell phone. Mike made it through, but another member of his group Michael Castro (brother of dreadlocked season seven finalist Jason “Stoner” Castro) was given the boot.

The Mighty Rangers decided to go to bed early instead, so it was no surprise that they forgot the words and sounded terrible. Mark Labridoodle – or whatever is name is – cried and begged for a second chance, to no avail.

Some girl named Kat Nestel packed her bags and left Hollywood rather than humiliate herself singing “Carry On Wayward Son” with her piss-poor group. Smart choice.

The group Middle C – which included Casey “Sure, I’ll Take My Shirt Off To Further My Career” James – made it through covering Ne-Yo’s “Closer.”

Mary “Second Rate Pat Benatar” Powers was a pushy bitch with her group, The Dreamers, and even pissed off the “Idol” session musicians while rehearsing Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams.” Kara commented that “the dream died on the stage” after the train wreck of out of tune vocals and forgotten lyrics.

I’m wondering if Stevie Nicks is second-guessing allowing the use of her songs after tonight and having to prop up Taylor Swift at The Grammy’s. Come on, Stevie, you don’t need this. You’re platinum, baby.

Hollywood hell continues next week with the 71 remaining contestants giving solo performances, and then the announcement of the Top 24.

Collin. Out.

imageCollin Kelley is a poet, Atlanta-based journalist and author of the recently released novel, “Conquering Venus.” Follow him on the Modern Confessional blog at collinkelley.com.

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