Let’s see if we get this, ahem, straight: Megadaddy Bishop Eddie Long’s Wildchild gets limo rides and studio time. Long gets his groove on with Jamal Parris and at least three other young men in loveshacks across the globe. And Parris gets probation? That’s how the megadaddy rolls. Parris (top photo) – who has said his sexual affair with Long “was almost like a drug” only to later call him a “predator” and “monster” – fortunately found a sympathetic judge on Tuesday in Miami. The 24-year-old was nabbed by police there in June driving his new $41,000 BMW after they discovered about $1,000 worth of marijuana, a semiautomatic handgun, 50 plastic baggies, and $1,250 in cash inside. Cops called him a drug dealer and charged him with two felonies and threw in a misdemeanor for good measure; Parris failed in trying to convince them the largess came from his slice of the Long settlement. A judge disagreed, kind of, dropping the weapons charge and giving Parris probation. The run-in with law enforcement now behind him, it’s now back to spending his megadaddy settlement. Sadly for Parris, smoking pot while relaxing in a bathtub full of the money won’t wash away the memories of Long in muscle t-shirts and things like this:

“I cannot get the sound of his voice out of his head and I cannot forget the smell of his cologne. I was not able to take enough showers to get the smell of him off of my body.”