Need Wood? Truth or dare: your sexual past

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My new boyfriend has been hinting to find out how many sexual partners I’ve had. I’m hesitant to answer. Do you think I should be honest or avoid the question?

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Hey, Mike!
imageDo you think I should be honest with my new boyfriend about how many sexual partners I’ve had?

It’s not like he’s ever going to meet them—well, at least most of them!—and I think whether they deny it or not, deep down men don’t like the thought that their partner has had lots of men.

What do you think men really want to hear?
–No Virgin

Dear No Virgin:
Couples dive in dangerous waters when they ask about their partner’s sexual history. Friends may be impressed that you need a logarithm to figure out how many parts you’ve poked, but potential partners will most likely be turned off, or worse, appalled.

imageFrankly, that seems a bit strange to me. I love to hear my boyfriend’s past exploits. It doesn’t bother me, because I’m more concerned about our future than his past. Besides, there’s a curious double standard going on. Guys want their partners to be great in bed, but they don’t want to hear what it takes: Practice!

Unless you’re pretty sure of his reaction, I would avoid the conversation. If he asks, then duck, dodge and weave. The best way is to simply say, “You know, I make it a personal policy not to talk or ask about past relationships. Nothing good has ever come of it. I’d so much rather talk about our sex life.”

If he’s insistent, then you know he’s going to have a fit if the number is north of what he considers acceptable. All the more reason not to tell him.

But if you are asked directly multiple times and you feel you have to, remember the best defense is a good offense.

Ask him what number is acceptable to him. What number keeps you in the “good girl” category and what number cages you in the “slut” pen? If he gives you a number, then you’ve got to decide if you want a relationship that requires lying to keep the peace, or if you want one in which honesty is rewarded, not judged.

imageContributing blogger Mike Alvear is an Atlanta-based columnist, author and TV personality. Dating life in the dirt? Download his ebooks, “Attract Hotter Guys with the Secrets & Science of Sexual Body Language,” and “Attract Hotter Guys Online: The Secrets To Making Yourself Irresistible on Gay Dating Sites.” Have a question for Need Wood? Just {encode=”[email protected]” title=”send it in”}.

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