Need Wood? Sweating like a whore in church

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I’m one of those guys who smell down there because I sweat so much. It’s very embarrassing. It doesn’t take much to soak my shirt. Any advice for people like me on controlling this issue?

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Hey Mike!
imageI read your answer to “Smelly”–how to tell your new boyfriend his crotch smells bad—and loved your answer. But I need to add a different dimension to the problem.

I’m one of those guys who smell down there because I sweat so much. It’s very embarrassing. It doesn’t take much to soak my shirt. I could be in a mildly warm bar and sweat like a whore in church.

Any tips for people like me on controlling this issue?

Dear Spigot:
Well, you’re not alone. About 8 million Americans—almost 3 percent of the population—suffers from excessive sweating. It’s called hyperhidrosis, a condition that causes excessive perspiration in your pits, face, feet, hands and groin.

imageIt’s not unusual for somebody with hyperhidrosis to sweat through a T-shirt, shirt and jacket even when they’re in a cool room. Some guys only wear black because it’s the one color that doesn’t show stains under the arms. And even guys who aren’t drag queens bring different outfits to change into throughout the day.

It’s an embarrassing condition, no doubt. Number one, it ain’t pretty. Number two, it ain’t pretty. Worse, studies show that people who sweat profusely are more often considered untrustworthy, devious and anxious.

In other words, they’ll think you’re me.

The sad part is that two thirds of the people suffering from excessive sweating don’t even ask their doctors for help. Too bad, because solutions exist. And get a load of the one of the most effective treatments: Botox. It isn’t just for wrinkles anymore.

imageThe FDA approved Botox injections as a treatment for severe underarm sweating (it blocks nerves that trigger sweat glands). Some people use it to avoid looking like the Bellagio’s fountains at important events— major presentations, weddings, sex clubs, that type of thing.

In fact, here’s a little known Hollywood secret: A lot of celebrities are getting Botox injection before the Academy Awards because they don’t want to be photographed with sweat stains.

There are other options. Here are a couple of things you can do:

Prescription antiperspirants. They work, but beware of skin irritations, redness and stinging. Still, it’s better for you to yell “Ow!” than your partner to yell, “Ew!”

Medications. Antidepressants, tranquilizers and some high blood pressure medications have a sort of drying effect. You know, like my jokes.

Surgery. Surgeons can remove the sweat glands or cut the nerves leading to them. I’d only do this if you were a walking puddle, though. It’s a drastic measure with often severe consequences.

Compression Shorts. Cyclists and other athletes use these shorts to separate groin and hamstring muscles, which can make your skin chafe and break out in rashes. If they’re made with the right materials, they can also give you odor protection. Look at the labels and see if they contain moisture-wicking fabrics. Basically, the cotton lining wicks away the sweat while the nylon shell keeps it away until it evaporates.

So why are you sweating so much? Scientists don’t know, but they think reading this column doesn’t help. Truth is, people who need yards of beach towels to wipe off their seats have the same number of sweat glands than us petite flowers who only need a Kleenex.

Although it can be aggravated by stressful events, hyper sweating also occurs in calm, everyday situations. That’s why scientists think malfunctioning brain signals may be the cause.

imageContributing blogger Mike Alvear is an Atlanta-based columnist, author and TV personality. Dating life in the dirt? Download his ebooks, “Attract Hotter Guys with the Secrets & Science of Sexual Body Language,” and “Attract Hotter Guys Online: The Secrets To Making Yourself Irresistible on Gay Dating Sites.” Have a question for Need Wood? Just {encode=”[email protected]” title=”send it in”}.


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