Need Wood? Resolution: Boyfriend by next V-Day

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Yet another Valentine’s Day went by with me ordering Chinese takeout and watching “Glee.” I’m determined not to let this happen again, but I’m stumped on how to get a boyfriend.

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imageHey Mike!
Yet another Valentine’s Day went by with me ordering Chinese takeout and watching “Glee.”

I’m determined not to let this happen again, but to be honest, I’m stumped on how to get a boyfriend.

Hell, even a date would be nice. How do I approach my Valentine’s Resolution: A boyfriend by next year?
–Sick of being alone

Dear Sick:
imageYou need goals, boy. Reasonable ones. “Meet a quality guy,” “Sleep with a hot man” or “Get a husband” may be things you want, but they don’t qualify as reasonable goals. A better goal would be, “I want to be able to talk to strangers I’m attracted to anytime, anywhere.”

Because making that resolution will ultimately end up with the outcome you want—a boyfriend.

I can sum up the secret to getting a date or landing a husband in three short words: Be more talkative.

The only way to meet the kind of guys you like is to talk. You have to practice being talkative with everyone not just the guys you’re attracted to. And you have to practice it everywhere, not just in bars or at parties.

Now, it’s true that you have to get good at specific kinds of conversations, but even that doesn’t matter unless you get into the habit of being naturally talkative. Gay duh of the day: If you can’t talk to strangers you’re not attracted to, you’ll never be able to talk to the ones you do want.

Start with fun exercises to get you into the swing of it. Try these and see if at the end of just a couple of days you don’t already have way more confidence about meeting guys than you did before you started.

image Say hello to strangers. To everyone, everywhere, all of the time. Whether they look at you or not. Whether you think they’ll say hello back or not.

Go out of your way to say hello to acquaintances. I’m talking about that acquaintance on the other side of the coffee shop. You’d say hello if there weren’t so many people in the place. Stop. Move your body. Get up and say hello.

Make small talk with acquaintances you typically only say hello to. You know that person you’ve been saying hello to, for like, years, and you’ve never had a proper conversation? Start one.

Pay strangers a compliment Avoid general compliments (“You?re beautiful”) or sexual innuendoes (“You?re hot”). You?re not trying to flatter or hit on them. Be specific and pick out details. His shoes, his posture, his energy, that ring. Leave after the compliment. Note: Do not pay compliments to guys who you?re interested in. That comes later.

Now, notice the direction of these exercises: To be friendlier, to improve your observational skills, to pay attention to someone other than yourself, to show sincere appreciation for something you spontaneously notice. These are the skills you need to meet the men you are attracted to.

Once you get used to being talkative everywhere with everyone, you can start using specific conversational techniques that establish rapport and build attraction. I’ll cover more about that in future columns, but really, they won’t help you unless you do these types of “talk exercises” first.

Once talking to strangers becomes second nature, it’ll go a long way to eradicate the fear of rejection that keeps you from taking a chance and talking to potential dates.

imageContributing blogger Mike Alvear is an Atlanta-based columnist, author and TV personality. Dating life in the dirt? Download his ebooks, “Attract Hotter Guys with the Secrets & Science of Sexual Body Language,” and “Attract Hotter Guys Online: The Secrets To Making Yourself Irresistible on Gay Dating Sites.” Have a question for Need Wood? Just {encode=”[email protected]” title=”send it in”}.


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