Need Wood? Why am I like nice-guy repellant?

Add this share

READ MORE | Catch up on all the Need Wood? columns on Project Q Atlanta

If you’re attracting jerks like a magnet, and the good ones don’t stick around, reverse that dynamic by asking a few tough questions, answering them honestly and adjusting your approach.

imageHey Mike!
I always seem to fall for assholes. I’m sure you’ve heard this story thousands of times, but I’m like Teflon to nice boys: They date me for about three weeks, then they slide right off and out the door.

Instead, I’m more of a magnet for needy guys and guys who need help fixing something in their lives – and that generally makes them weird. I’m not a doctor, I’m not a handy man and I don’t want to fix anything!

How can I reverse the process and make the nice guys stick around and the assholes slide off me?
–Nice would be nice

Dear Nice:
imageThe real question is, what are you doing at the two or three week mark that’s causing them to slide off your banister?

You can’t really ask yourself the question. That’s like asking a fish what it thinks about the water. The answer is, “What water?”

And you certainly can’t ask the guy you’re dating. After two or three weeks of dating, the only allowable question is “What are you doing Saturday night?” Anything more intimate than that and you’d have to trade in your dick for a vagina.

There are four main questions that you can ask yourself when you’ve met a nice guy that you want to keep dating, and you might try asking for an honest opinion from someone you trust as well.

Am I being too pushy? Is he always returning instead of initiating my texts, emails and calls? If so, back off and give him some breathing room.

Am I being too mushy? Gushing and fawning, much less headed down the “love” word route too soon is a danger sign to most of us.

Am I constantly indecisive? If so, take control and start saying things like, “There’s a cool place across town I haven’t tried—you want to take a chance on it?”

Am I giving the impression that I just want to be friends? People who wait until three or four dates before having sex run a big risk of sending the wrong signal. Your guy might be thinking, “I don’t want another friend—got plenty of those.”

I’m not suggesting that you spread for the first piece of bread he throws at you. I’m saying make it clear you’re sexually interested even if you’re not putting out — by flirting, making out and whispering things that make him blush.

imageContributing blogger Mike Alvear is an Atlanta-based columnist, author and TV personality. Dating life in the dirt? Download his ebooks, “Attract Hotter Guys with the Secrets & Science of Sexual Body Language,” and “Attract Hotter Guys Online: The Secrets To Making Yourself Irresistible on Gay Dating Sites.” Have a question for Need Wood? Just {encode=”[email protected]” title=”send it in”}.


Project Q Atlanta goes on hiatus after 14 years

On Sept. 1, 2008, Project Q Atlanta promised a hyper-local “queer media diet” for Atlanta. The site set out to bring LGBTQ news, in-depth...

Photos catch Purple Dress Run invading Midtown

After three years of pandemic-inflicted limitations, Atlanta’s gay rugby squad let loose on one of its most popular events. The Atlanta Bucks Purple Dress...

Ooo Bearracuda: Photos from Bear Pride’s Main Event

The seventh annual Atlanta Bear Pride hit the ground running on Friday with packed houses at Woofs, Heretic and Future. Turned out, they hadn’t...

Atlanta Bear Pride set to go hard and long all weekend

That low, growing growl you hear is a nation of gay bears headed for Atlanta Bear Pride this weekend. By the time they arrive,...

PHOTOS: Armorettes bring back Easter Drag Race magic

Gay Atlanta’s queens of do-good drag brought the sunshine to a cloudy afternoon on Saturday when Heretic hosted the triumphant return of Armorettes Easter...