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If you’re attracting jerks like a magnet, and the good ones don’t stick around, reverse that dynamic by asking a few tough questions, answering them honestly and adjusting your approach.
Hey Mike!
I always seem to fall for assholes. I’m sure you’ve heard this story thousands of times, but I’m like Teflon to nice boys: They date me for about three weeks, then they slide right off and out the door.
Instead, I’m more of a magnet for needy guys and guys who need help fixing something in their lives – and that generally makes them weird. I’m not a doctor, I’m not a handy man and I don’t want to fix anything!
How can I reverse the process and make the nice guys stick around and the assholes slide off me?
–Nice would be nice
Dear Nice:
The real question is, what are you doing at the two or three week mark that’s causing them to slide off your banister?
You can’t really ask yourself the question. That’s like asking a fish what it thinks about the water. The answer is, “What water?”
And you certainly can’t ask the guy you’re dating. After two or three weeks of dating, the only allowable question is “What are you doing Saturday night?” Anything more intimate than that and you’d have to trade in your dick for a vagina.
There are four main questions that you can ask yourself when you’ve met a nice guy that you want to keep dating, and you might try asking for an honest opinion from someone you trust as well.
Am I being too pushy? Is he always returning instead of initiating my texts, emails and calls? If so, back off and give him some breathing room.
Am I being too mushy? Gushing and fawning, much less headed down the “love” word route too soon is a danger sign to most of us.
Am I constantly indecisive? If so, take control and start saying things like, “There’s a cool place across town I haven’t tried—you want to take a chance on it?”
Am I giving the impression that I just want to be friends? People who wait until three or four dates before having sex run a big risk of sending the wrong signal. Your guy might be thinking, “I don’t want another friend—got plenty of those.”
I’m not suggesting that you spread for the first piece of bread he throws at you. I’m saying make it clear you’re sexually interested even if you’re not putting out — by flirting, making out and whispering things that make him blush.
Contributing blogger Mike Alvear is an Atlanta-based columnist, author and TV personality. Dating life in the dirt? Download his ebooks, “Attract Hotter Guys with the Secrets & Science of Sexual Body Language,” and “Attract Hotter Guys Online: The Secrets To Making Yourself Irresistible on Gay Dating Sites.” Have a question for Need Wood? Just {encode=”[email protected]” title=”send it in”}.
