Need Wood? Diapers from bottoming? Depends.

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I find myself cruising for hung guys, but I’m worried that I’m going to stretch myself out permanently and do real damage. Will I end up wearing Depends if I keep banging big dudes?

Hey Mike!
imageYour advice on how to bottom without pain a while back was really good. In fact, too good. Now that I’ve learned how to do it, I’ve become a raging bottom.

I love the way it feels and find myself cruising for hung guys to satisfy that deep-down big-dick hunger. But I’m worried that I’m going to stretch myself out permanently and do real damage.

Will I end up wearing Depends if I keep banging dudes with big dongs?
–Bottomless Pit

Dear Bottomless Pit:
Yes, if you’re not careful, you could bend down one day and your underwear will look like you’ve been shot with a gravy gun. Fortunately, there are ways to avoid it.

But before we get to that, we need a little background. The sphincter and anal canal are remarkably elastic. During surgery, doctors can dilate the sphincter to the point of putting their hands up your ass. And no, you can’t volunteer to do it without anesthesia.

imageThink of your hole as a rubber band. It springs back to its original position unless you stretch it past its ability to rebound. Nobody knows where your sphincter’s rebound point is, but trust me, go past it and the only fudge you’ll be packing is at the bakery.

So how do you avoid a diaper-free future? By “training” the elasticity of your sphincter muscles. There are two ways to do it:

Play With Toys. Practice pain-free insertion with butt plugs and dildos. Insert them to the point it gets uncomfortable, back off, hold it, and when it’s comfortable then push further.

Play With Bigger Toys. Assuming you don’t want your butt to be so pitiful it’s only worth sitting on, graduate to bigger and bigger toys. But again, be careful. You know that vague burning sensation you can get when you bottom? It’s blood rushing to the area or the lining of your anus being torn.

If you’re used to bottoming for guys in the six- to seven-inch range and you find a 10-inch specimen, don’t let him top you. That’s what prison’s for. In the outside world, do it yourself with a 10-inch toy first. Remember, practice makes perfect—without perforations.

Buy Lube By The Barrel. It eases penetration and minimizes abrasions caused by skin-to-skin friction. When it comes to lube, too much is never enough.

imageDo Butt-tightening Exercises. Exercising the pelvic floor muscles is the most important thing you can do to regain elasticity. And believe me, you don’t want to regain it; you want to keep it from ever leaving. Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to do them:

Contract and release. Squeeze the muscles you use to stop peeing. Do 10 in a row, three times a day. Then gradually increase the number of contractions.

Vary the exercises. Try “The Flutter” (tighten and let go quickly) and the “Pinch and Hold” (tighten and don’t let go till you count to 15).

Vary the positions. Start by sitting or standing, then try it while lying on your back or side and even while squatting. Different positions tone the muscle quicker.

Add weight training. Put a towel on your erect penis and do the contractions. You want bragging rights? Do them with wet towels.

imageContributing blogger Mike Alvear is an Atlanta-based columnist, author and TV personality. Download his latest ebook, “The Flirty Text Message Helper: Witty Texts For Clever People.” Have a question for Need Wood? Just {encode=”[email protected]” title=”send it in”}.


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