READ MORE | Catch up on all the Need Wood? columns on Project Q Atlanta Men who’ve been together with kids in the house for years may need to jump-start that pre-children passion. Here are a few tips for any couple that has let the steam run out of their sexual kettle. Hey Mike! After years of muffled lovemaking because of the kids we adopted, my partner and I haven’t had much time or opportunity for spontaneous hanky-panky. But now that they’re gone most of the year (boarding school), my partner and I have the house to ourselves. Problem: He’s boring as all fuck. How can I get him to rediscover our pre-children passion? --Bored But Horny Dear Bored: Ask him. If he says he doesn’t know, tell him to make it up. It’ll take the pressure off of giving the answer he thinks he’s supposed to give and free his imagination to connect with his true desires. Asking him what he needs and wants is critical. You’re not going to know where to go or what to do unless he gives you directions. The same goes for you. You need to tell him what you want so he knows what to say “No” to. I kid. If you want to rekindle your sex life, you’ve got to re-awaken his senses. The best way to jump-start the process is to take a sexual inventory. Get together and make a list of every position, fantasy, act, role, toy, or location you can think of. To the right of that list write “Cold, Cool, Lukewarm, Warm and Hot.” Now each of you independently mark the temperature each act or fantasy brings out in you, then get together and compare notes. You’ll both be very surprised at what you discover. Make a pact to try everything you’ve both labeled “Lukewarm, Warm and Hot.” What if you’ve labeled something Hot and he’s labeled it Cold? Time for sexual reciprocity. Meaning, “If you do my ‘Cold,’ I promise I’ll do your ‘Hot.’” That kind of compromise will build trust, enhance intimacy and open new sensual vistas for both of you. Contributing blogger Mike Alvear is an Atlanta-based columnist, author and TV personality. Dating life in the dirt? Download his ebooks, “Attract Hotter Guys with the Secrets & Science of Sexual Body Language,” and “Attract Hotter Guys Online: The Secrets To Making Yourself Irresistible on Gay Dating Sites.” Have a question for Need Wood? Just {encode="[email protected]" title="send it in"}.