Need Wood? Check under the hood before dating

Add this share

I heard getting a guy is like buying a car, that we should check their credit, and that they feel more pressure to sign the dotted line if more buyers are in the showroom. What’s the deal?

READ MORE | Catch up on all the Need Wood? columns on Project Q

imageHey Mike!
I saw this chick on TV recently talking about how to get a boyfriend to the altar. She basically said getting engaged is a lot like buying a new car.

She was hilarious and actually reminded me of you the way she used humor to hold facts at gunpoint. The reason I’m writing is that she actually referenced you. Do you know her personally? And do you agree with her?

Do you really believe you can get a guy the way you’d get a car?

Dear Fascinated:
imageYes, I know the happy-go-lucky, isn’t-the-world-great, I-got-a-marriage-proposal-at-the-top-of-the-Eiffel-Tower Dating Nazi. Is there anything more annoying than a woman who’s got it all and tells you everything?

Actually, I love Lisa Daily, the “Director of Love” at and author of “Stop Getting Dumped!” True, I rarely take her advice, but I quote her often. And really, isn’t that the best compliment a hypocrite like me could pay?

So I rang her up the other day and asked her what the hell you were blabbering about:

Mike: What’s this shit you’re peddling that banging a guy is like buying a car?

Lisa: You idiot. I said, “Marrying a guy is like buying a car.”

Mike: Oh.

Lisa: Look, if a guy in a plaid polyester suit and a bad rug can get your man to sign on the dotted line, so can you. Well, maybe not you, but most people with, you know, a personality.

Mike: Watch it, woman. I’ll bribe your hairdresser. You’ll walk out with a James Brown pompadour–fried, dyed, and laid to the side.

Lisa: God, you’re impossible! Regardless, here’s what I said: Make sure he can pass the credit check. A lot of times, we’re so worried about whether or not he wants to marry us that we don’t take the time to make sure we want to marry him. I’m not talking about money here. I’m talking about important things, like …

Mike: Good hair, big pecs, ripped abs. I gotcha. Go on.

Lisa: No, fool! I mean, honesty, charm, humor, education, that type of thing. You know, all the characteristics you lack.

Mike: That hurts me.

Lisa: Right. Back to cars. Don’t try to sell him a minivan if he wants flashy sports model. Truth is, a guy already knows what he wants by the time he walks into the dealership. The same is true in relationships. If your guy doesn’t want to settle down, don’t try to talk him into a suburban daddy lifestyle. You may pressure him into the deal, but it won’t be long before he’s miserable and suffering from buyers’ remorse. He’ll figure out a way to trade you in for the model he really wanted.

Mike: So, he has to know there are other buyers in the market.

Lisa: Exactly. Nothing is more appealing than a car that everybody wants and nobody can get. So what happens when there are a lot of buyers in the market and not enough cars to go around? The waiting list. Date at least three men at a time. Men are intensely competitive, and their attraction to you will increase tenfold if they sense another buyer in the showroom.

Mike: Your advice is sound but me, if I were doing a car metaphor, I’d recommend buying one that likes having sex in the back seat.


imageContributing blogger Mike Alvear is an Atlanta-based columnist, author and TV personality. Dating life in the dirt? Download his ebooks, “Attract Hotter Guys with the Secrets & Science of Sexual Body Language,” and “Attract Hotter Guys Online: The Secrets To Making Yourself Irresistible on Gay Dating Sites.” Have a question for Need Wood? Just {encode=”[email protected]” title=”send it in”}.


Project Q Atlanta goes on hiatus after 14 years

On Sept. 1, 2008, Project Q Atlanta promised a hyper-local “queer media diet” for Atlanta. The site set out to bring LGBTQ news, in-depth...

Photos catch Purple Dress Run invading Midtown

After three years of pandemic-inflicted limitations, Atlanta’s gay rugby squad let loose on one of its most popular events. The Atlanta Bucks Purple Dress...

Ooo Bearracuda: Photos from Bear Pride’s Main Event

The seventh annual Atlanta Bear Pride hit the ground running on Friday with packed houses at Woofs, Heretic and Future. Turned out, they hadn’t...

Atlanta Bear Pride set to go hard and long all weekend

That low, growing growl you hear is a nation of gay bears headed for Atlanta Bear Pride this weekend. By the time they arrive,...

PHOTOS: Armorettes bring back Easter Drag Race magic

Gay Atlanta’s queens of do-good drag brought the sunshine to a cloudy afternoon on Saturday when Heretic hosted the triumphant return of Armorettes Easter...