Need Wood? Am I just ‘too nelly’ to get a man?

Add this share

READ MORE | Catch up on all the Need Wood? columns on Project Q

When mating pits expressing who you are against attracting a man, do what the birds do: Work on your plumage. Change it, change some of it, or work it to your best advantage.

imageHey Mike!
I’m 18, have a nice body, cute butt and all that, but nobody online hits me up. I think what’s causing all the ignores is my femininity. I’m kind of femme, yes, and it probably shows in my pics. I have long hair, too, and I think that adds to the rejection.

I’m not trans or a cross dresser, but I’m not as masculine as some other guys. And with everyone wanting “hot masculine muscle jocks…” well, my question is, what am I supposed to do?

I’m kind of lonely, and it depresses me that most guys don’t find guys like me attractive–except the very old sugar daddies. Sometimes I just wanna chop off all my hair and live in a gym just so I can have some male contact, but I don’t want to compromise who I am. Help!
–Pretty but Lonely

Dear Pretty but Lonely:
First, you need to do a little personal inventory and ask yourself questions like, “Why am I complaining that ‘jocks’ don’t like me when I don’t do anything to attract them?” And, “Why aren’t I attracted to guys like myself?”

The obvious answer is that you’re attracted to your opposite. But here’s the catch: “Masculine jocks” are rarely attracted to their opposites. So, mating-wise, you’ve painted yourself into a corner and thrown away the lube.

The ugly fact is that the more you express effeminate characteristics, the less attractive you’ll be to muscular, athletic guys. Mating is all about plumage. If you’re attracted to guys who like blue, you’ll get stink if you sport nothing but pink.

So, let me bottom-line it for you: If being who you are isn’t getting you who you want, you either have to change who you are or change what you want. Assuming you’re not going to change the objects of your desire, you have three choices:

imageChange your plumage. Go to the gym, cut your hair, grab your balls and growl. Like the MGM Lion, not Kitty LeClaw.

This is only an option if your effeminacy is a product of nurture rather than nature. A lot of guys take on effeminate characteristics because it’s what they like, not because it’s who they are. It could be as simple as a costume change. On the other hand, nelliness is often an intrinsic characteristic: A lot of guys really do come out of the womb knowing the difference between beige, cream, ecru, and eggshell.

Personally, I hope you don’t change your plumage. All those pumped, primped and plucked guys? We’ve got too many of them running around. Variety is the spice of life. We need a little jalapeno.

Change a couple of feathers. This is the middle ground where you ask yourself, “What am I willing to change that would get me laid without living a lie?”

Maybe you cut your hair to look like Tarzan instead of Jane. Maybe you lose the shimmer in your lip-gloss. You’d be surprised at how small changes can produce big results.

Screw the Feathers. Stand your ground but change your strategy. While they’re in a distinct minority, there are “masculine jocks” that like a little girl in their boys.

So, stop acting like a damsel in distress, and start acting like a hunter with a trap. Get aggressive, do searches, and hit people up. Don’t wait for your email light to blink red; make everybody else’s light up.

Yes, your hit rate might still be low, but it won’t be zero.

imageContributing blogger Mike Alvear is an Atlanta-based columnist, author and TV personality. Download his latest ebook, “Meet The Hottie In The Corner: The 21-Day Plan To Overcome Your Fear of Rejection, Master the Art of Icebreakers and Snag Guys You Never Thought You Could Get.” Got a question for Need Wood? Just {encode=”[email protected]” title=”send it in”}.

Need Wood? is sponsored in Atlanta by Brushstrokes and Capulets/Brushstrokes Pleasures.


Project Q Atlanta goes on hiatus after 14 years

On Sept. 1, 2008, Project Q Atlanta promised a hyper-local “queer media diet” for Atlanta. The site set out to bring LGBTQ news, in-depth...

Photos catch Purple Dress Run invading Midtown

After three years of pandemic-inflicted limitations, Atlanta’s gay rugby squad let loose on one of its most popular events. The Atlanta Bucks Purple Dress...

Ooo Bearracuda: Photos from Bear Pride’s Main Event

The seventh annual Atlanta Bear Pride hit the ground running on Friday with packed houses at Woofs, Heretic and Future. Turned out, they hadn’t...

Atlanta Bear Pride set to go hard and long all weekend

That low, growing growl you hear is a nation of gay bears headed for Atlanta Bear Pride this weekend. By the time they arrive,...

PHOTOS: Armorettes bring back Easter Drag Race magic

Gay Atlanta’s queens of do-good drag brought the sunshine to a cloudy afternoon on Saturday when Heretic hosted the triumphant return of Armorettes Easter...