Summer is here and what better time than now – like right this very minute – to shave that beard and let your face cool off. Also, that mass of facial hair is full of dirt, bacteria and bits of shit. 

The beard fad among gay men has gone on long enough. Sure, bears are entitled. And so are the Manshaft sorts. And if you're a leather daddy and Eagle regular, no need to take any action. But for the rest of you, it's time. Time to stop acting like a grunge gay. Time to stop thinking you're on top of the latest fashion trend. Time to leave behind that gay cliche and let the Radical Faeries have their beards back.

Really, it's just disgusting. Literally. 


A handful of brave men allowed Action 7 News to swab their beards, and the results showed some beards are as dirty as toilets.

Quest Diagnostics microbiologist John Golobic tested the swabs, and the results blew his mind.

“I'm usually not surprised and I was surprised by this,” Golobic said.

Several of the beards that were tested contained a lot of normal bacteria, but some were comparable to toilets.

“Those are the types of things you'd find in (fecal matter),” Golobic said, referring to the tests.

Even though some of the bacteria won’t lead to illness, Golobic said it’s still a little concerning.

“There would be a degree of uncleanliness that would be somewhat disturbing,” Golobic said.

OK, so maybe your gay beard is just as nasty as cutting boards, cell phones and keyboards. But still, shave it off. It's time for a new trend. Just no tattoos or stripy tanks. Maybe a cute bow tie?