If you think that queer is flirting with you, step up to the plate

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That feel when “I'm old enough to be his dad, but I kinda want to be his daddy” runs headlong into “I think this older guy is hot, but I’m not sure how to get his attention.”


The first time I saw this beautiful human was as I walked by a baseball field outside the high school near my gay gym. I noticed him noticing me, but of course I also knew my place. I’m not one for most younger guys in general, and definitely not if they’re possibly underage.

Well, that was two years ago. Recently, the same guy wandered into my gym looking sexier than ever, and he’s definitely checking me out. He’s definitely legal, but I still feel guilty about my attraction to him. 

I could be his dad, but I kinda want to be his daddy. But the guilt! How young is too young?

Dear Daddy:

Fantasy is the spice of life. In the vast majority of scenarios, don’t deny the thoughts between your ears. You ask if it’s OK to look guilt-free, and I say Baseball Boy was always fair game — within the confines of your mind. 

When it gets to real life, things get dicey. If you’re actually asking if it’s OK to engage with this man, there are two schools of thought. Both are valid depending on the individual in question.

On the one hand, he’s an adult. Your guilt can disappear from every legal standpoint on his 18th birthday. On the other, ethics and morals vary from guy to guy, and yours may say that it’s still wrong to play ball on this particular field. Since you’re asking the question, you may fall into the latter category. 

As the more mature player, it’s your obligation to ask yourself the hard questions and think things through from both your perspective and his. Things to consider include the power dynamics that handicap the game: Chances to take advantage or hurt a rookie are increased, and that’s not fair to him. Plus, his emotional maturity — or lack thereof — could create more issues than you bargained for. 

Whether you’re considering an extra-inning hookup or making it a regular thing, talk to the guy. Actual maturity and experience can vary widely at his age, so communicating to find out in advance is the best game plan. Chat him up to avoid trouble for you or heartache for him, and scrap your playbook at the first signs of mismatched expectations.


I’m recently out and have transferred my workouts to the gay gym in my neighborhood. I’m loving the brotherhood and the eye candy. There is this hot older guy who I’ve noticed for years and tried to get him to notice me, and I think he’s interested, but I’m not sure how to get his attention.

Dear Boy:

Since your intended wasn’t born yesterday, believe me (and the Daddy letter above), he already knows. Rather than just checking him out and flashing the goods, be man enough to strike up a conversation and see where things go.

The Q is for entertainment purposes and not professional counseling. Send your burning Qs to [email protected]

Illustration by Brad Gibson

This column originally appeared in Q magazine. Read the latest issue, enjoy all of the past editions of The Q advice column, and look for a new issue of Q magazine each week online and around town.


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