How to cut the cord on those LGBTQ mommy issues

Add this share

Whether you’re still parenting an ex after a break up, or a grown adult living and partying with mom into your 30s, you’ve got queer mommy issues. Life Judge in The Q can clear the psychological underbrush.

It’s time to leave. Your ex. Or your mom. Both.


My ex and I broke up a few months ago, and I’m still living in her house. I mean, it didn’t work out, but that’s no reason not to split the bills, am I right?

We’re both solid, reliable lesbian citizens, but to say there are no roommate issues would be a lie. Mostly we’ve both been pretty cool, but she still tries to mother me in ways that I couldn’t tolerate when we were together.

It’s like I’m inconveniencing her when I spend the night out, or stay out on a work night. She says she’s looking out for me, but I’m pretty sure she’s just jealous.

How can I stay cool with everything and still let her know she needs to move on?

Dear Lazy Leslie:

Sometimes it’s hard to see the forest for the trees, so let’s clear some of the psychological underbrush. Start with the emotional weeds.

No matter how cool you try to be, and how good you are at it, coming back together as friends is better after a clean break to re-establish your own paths.

Also, give the lady a break. What are the chances that she’s not as much jealous or in your business as she is just worried?

Imagine waking up wondering where someone is at dawn. No call, no text, just an empty house. Update her or tell her in advance not to expect you. It’s common courtesy whether you’re exes or not.

You should consider whether you’re taking advantage of the poor gal, because hey by the way, you totally are. You said it yourself: It’s her house. Just like your parents told you back in the day, her rules. And until you get out of there, it’s kind of her business.

Finally, you say she needs to move on. So do you.

The good news is that you seem ready to hit the town without her. The bad news is that you can go out every night into your new life, and still come home to your old situation.

Make plans and move.


I think my mom might be co-dependent. We’re best buds, and she loves hanging out with my gay gaggle. Lately, I’ve been having visions of still living with her in 40 years with dozens of cats and no life except each other. Help!

Dear Grey Gardens:

There’s nothing wrong with being one of the thousands of gay men who have close relationships with their mothers. Try creating some distance and see if it suits you better. You can always go back and start a cat farm later.

Illustration by Brad Gibson

The Q is intended for entertainment and not counseling. Send your burning Qs to [email protected].

This article appeared in Q ATLus magazine. Read the new issue online here:

Pick up each new edition of QATLus at LGBTQ and allied venues around Atlanta, and find fresh content online every day right here.


When friends become crushes or friends with benefits

One queer slept with their best friend. Another wants to but can't bring it up. Then there's a convoluted LGBTQ daisy chain of affection with none of the fun part. Let's talk.

Nonbinary activist Bentley Hudgins runs for state House

If anyone is up to filling the big shoes of former District 90 state Reps. Stacey Abrams and Bee Nguyen, it just might be...

The best LGBTQ things to do in Atlanta this weekend

Whether you’re a Hot Mess, LGBTQ organizer, queer for queens or easy for dance parties, gay Atlanta has your ticket to ride this Friday...

Gay Falcons cheerleader says ‘I will’ to gametime marriage proposal

LGBT Atlanta shows out in unexpected ways sometimes. That certainly goes for one of the NFL’s only out gay cheerleaders, Ben Ajani. But even...

The best LGBTQ things to do in Atlanta this weekend

Gay Atlanta’s calendar stays busy for “Winter Pride,” plus the closing of an institution, the return of a British legend, local revelry and more. Keep...