Hit me and I’ll hit you back

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imageAlix B. Golden started her life as a Carolina Girl, but matured into a Georgia Peach. This freelancer dishes on sex, relationships and dating often revealing more than she should about her own life. Read more from her at A Brown Girl.

Before my first girlfriend was my girlfriend, she was my friend. Wait, that might be a bit of a stretch. She was an associate. A classmate, in fact.

I saw her everyday and while I didn’t pay a lot of attention to her, I did notice when she would come to class with swollen eyes. Her girlfriend would smack her around a little. She was beyond a whore, the supreme and ultimate flirt and her girlfriend felt that she had to smack her in order to keep her in line.

Obviously, that didn’t work. She kinda left her girlfriend. For me. I thought they were broken up, but it turns out that she had only broken up with the girl in her mind. When the girlfriend found out, she attacked her. It happened in front of me and another couple. It was a scary situation.

I made a promise to her that I would never treat her that way, but I’ll admit, I came close. She cheated on me too. I remember confronting her about it and looking at her so intently that my thoughts of smacking the daylights out of her was written all over my face. She told me to go ahead and hit her if it would make me feel better. She said she wouldn’t hit me back. She would rather have me hit her than stay mad.

I’ve dated a few women that seemed surprised when I would say to them that if they hit me, they would not have the opportunity to do it again. Now I’m not sure how the subject even came up, but I think it’s a red flag when you even have a conversation like that. It’s a bigger red flag when the person is surprised by that statement.

I’ve only been in one relationship where I felt afraid. I moved twice and changed my number to get away from one girl. My fear wasn’t that she would do something to me, it was that she would hurt herself and I would be left picking up the pieces. But that’s another story. I just remember feeling so uncomfortable around her and I can’t imagine being able to continue in a relationship with that kind of discomfort.

I have to wonder in the case of domestic violence, do people think it’s OK in the gay community because it’s not man vs woman? If we are the same sex and we are fighting, does it make it any better?

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