Harsh truths of queer relationships and sex can be hard to hear

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Short and… sweet? Just the because the answer is simple, don't mean the solution is as easy to execute. Quick answers to boo trouble that's easier said than done.


I’m turned on by a hot girl eating food like it’s her last meal. Like, she just can’t get enough in her mouth at one time. I watch her lips and tongue, and I imagine feeding her and controlling what she tastes and when.

Call me crazy, but is it too much to hope that a woman might share my unusual, unique kink? Help!

Dear Crazy:

The good news is you’re actually not crazy. The bad news might be you’re not even that unique. Others are out there, so spell out your desires for a hungry girl and see who bites. 



My relationship was so good once!! The excitement is gone! How can I get it back!?!

Dear Lazy:

Dial back the exclamation marks, turn down the volume, and listen – to yourself and what you really want, as well as your significant other’s deepest desires. If there’s a chance to work it out and spice things up, it’s together.



I’m longtime HIV-positive, but I still can’t figure out how to disclose without decreasing chances of getting laid and increasing chances of the guy hating me.

Dear Wrong:

You are each responsible for our own risks and behaviors. Your assumptions play a part of the stigma against you, so stop buying into it. Couch status conversations in the fun activities you want to try on each other, as well as prevention methods you prefer.

Like any difficult talk, do it with authenticity and sensitivity, and let the guy decide for himself. Hint: If the guy would hate you for this, it wasn’t going to be a good lay anyway.



The greatest person is interested in me, but they’re lean and pretty. I only like big, hulking, hard-nosed partners. This one’s otherwise perfect, but the pretty-skinny-perfect thing is a total turn-off. Help!

Dear Silly:

Preferences and triggers are valid until they’re in the way. It sounds like your narrowly defined hankerings are keeping you from what you really want.

There are ways to broaden your horizons. You might not learn to prefer chicken over your all-beef diet, but a nice leg and thigh sometimes can be fun. 

Rather than relegating this person forever to the friend zone, open your mind to the possibilities. Meanwhile, watch porn with decreasingly “hulking” actors, explore their charms, and see what comes up.

The Q is for entertainment purposes and not professional counseling. Send your burning Qs to [email protected]

Illustration by Brad Gibson

This column originally appeared in Q magazine. Read the latest issue, enjoy all of the past editions of The Q advice column, and look for a new issue of Q magazine each week online and around town.


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