Finding your own answer to ‘Why am I still single?’

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I find myself pondering this question often: Why am I still single?

It is certainly not because I have to be. There are men on every corner. I meet them in the grocery store, coffee shop, walking down the street, on Facebook, at work, and seemingly everywhere I go.

So, why am I still single?

It has been my experience that with the advent of social media and apps, people have very little interest in committing to one. Why commit to just one when you can have a different one every night?

The other issue I have found to be prevalent is open relationships. Who needs a boyfriend when I can sleep with yours while you’re at work or away? I am certainly not judging if that works for you. I am speaking from my personal perspective only in reflecting about the reason I am single.

Perhaps I have also been too superficial in the past. Looking at outward appearance only. Wanting someone with a bigger bootie or bigger anatomy. Wanting someone bigger, smaller, richer, younger, older, more educated, or someone that lives in a certain demographic.

I have come to realize that by placing so many limitations on what it is I want, I may bypass someone very special. Again, have I been guilty? Yes. I have learned that sometimes the package can be beautiful but the contents are ugly.

I have also learned that some men will say whatever they need to say to get you under the sheets. Then they will keep coming back for nothing but a bootie call as long as you allow it. They could care less about a movie, dinner or conversation.

First let’s be real. Once again, I have been guilty. I have allowed this behavior. So then I just answered my own question regarding reasons I could still be single.

What value am I placing on myself by giving the most intimate part of me to someone who has no intention of building anything special between us? What does it say about me when I do the same by using someone just for sexual pleasure? By doing so, I am sending a message to the universe that I am not worthy of having that special one.

I was in an 18-year relationship, so I understand how special the intimacy between just two can be. I have learned that the answer to why I’m still single lies within me.

For me it was about realizing that my body is special. I am a gift not to be given to just anyone. I am a beautiful package with beautiful contents. I recognize my value. I recognize my worth. It is only when I am able to recognize all these things, that others will recognize the same things in me.

What makes my intimacy special if anyone can have it? What makes me special if I give myself to anyone?

Start seeing yourself as special, and that special one will show up.

Tell the universe you are ready by letting go of all the bootie calls and sex apps. Let go of the past. Allow that special someone in when they do show up. Love them. Embrace them. Commit to them and live a happy beautiful life together.

Let go of the limitations and analytical thinking and just trust. If you are faithful, the universe will be faithful and send you exactly what you want.

Vince Shifflett is a critical care Registered Nurse, writer, and thought contributor living in Atlanta. Read more of his work at

This article originally appeared in Q magazine. Read the full issue below:



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