Dirty dozen Atlanta Braves heat up 2014 roster

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It’s a tough job, but somebody has to do it. As the Atlanta Braves open their season and gay fans steel ourselves for hot jock overload, we hone in on the hottest Bravos of summer in this season’s lineup.

Old favorites like Dan “locker room abs contest” Uggla meet newer faces like Jordan “I like Midtown on top” Schaefer and our favorite fresh faces, Brandon “Smooth or Scruffy” Beachy and Shae “Smile Pretty” Simmons. Our most valuable gingers Jonny Venters and Craig Kimbrel (top photo) talk about who plays pitcher on the field and in our imaginations, a new bear cub catcher sparks our fantasies, and country love meets city style.

It's all happening right now in the twilight era of Turner Field. The Braves take on the Mets to kick things off at home this Tuesday through Thursday, with Thursday featuring traditional opening ceremonies and Hank Aaron Bobblehead Night. The weekend homestand against the Nationals opens Friday with Fireworks Night.

But enough talk. More action. These are our 12 Bravos fantasy men (so far) this year, with one to grow on. Call it a Baker’s Dirty Dozen.

 

Oh, Dan Uggla we never tire of you.  Because locker room.

 

 

Uggla also just runs around giving out hugs looking like this.

 

 

Jordan Schafer oils up to hang out.

 

 

This is what he looks like in motion.

 

 
 

Just when Brandon Beachy has us thinking scruff…

 

 

He serves us smooth and we melt.

 

 

Geeky-hot Andrelton Simmons can throw us shade any time.

 

 

There’s also budding otter Alex Wood.

 

 

And Country-come-to-town Mike Minor.

 

 

Big-daddy ginger Jonny ‘No Hit’ Venters can pitch.

 

 

And catch?

 

 

And don’t get us started on fellow pitching ginger Craig Kimbrel.

 

 

Ramiro Pena is gay-cute with his hand on his hip …

 

 

 

And/or his booty in the air.

 

 

 

We can’t leave out the sexy smile of Chris Johnson.

 

 

Or how horngry we get when Shae Simmons smiles, too.

 

 

Or the bear-growl we utter when Evan Gattis plays catcher.

 

 

 

Or scrappy Tyler Pastornicky flashes those baby blues.

 

 

Honorable mention: Take me out, sharp-dressed Cory Gearrin.

 

 

Who's on your Braves most valuable hottie list? Share it in the comments so the rest of us can enjoy.

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