CDC sucks the romance from Valentine’s dinner

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Right about now, you’re scrambling to find flowers for your partner and considering what to wear for the date. You want to get laid, right? But you really should consider what you’re putting in your mouth for the Valentine’s Day dinner.

We love our geeky scientist friends at the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention in Atlanta. After all, they warn us about HIV and the blowjob cancer.

But in their earnest efforts to keep us healthy despite our unhealthy habits, they are sucking the romance right out of Valentine’s Day.

After “flowers or chocolate” (hint: both!), the next big Valentine’s Day question isn’t whether to order the heart-shaped pizza (hint: yes!)—it’s whether to go out to a cozy neighborhood restaurant or cuddle up on the couch and eat takeout. No matter where you dine, make sure you celebrate love with a safe meal.

Uh, what?

As you fix your lustful stare on your dining companion, hoping that the candles and the flowers and the tasty grub gets you something more, the CDC wants you to think about thoroughly cooked food and spoiled leftovers. Eight tips in all. Such a Valentine’s boner kill.

And once dinner is over, the CDC warns, don’t be a slut.

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