Q Advice

Queers beating ourselves up over those ‘other’ STDs that aren’t HIV

"I tested positive for HSV-2. Two weeks later, I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. There’s so much emphasis on HIV that when I started PrEP, it created a false sense of security."

‘Help! I’m the jealous type and in love with a sex worker’

The Q turned to sex industry professionals, advocates and our readers for the advice column this week, and we share their insights in lieu of our usual responses.

Why so many queers play doormat to get a little love

Relationship troubles are even worse if you let people walk all over you. It’s exhausting, and you’ve both gotten used to the arrangement.

Too many LGBTQs trying to read minds on dates and apps

Did she just pull a bait and switch? Is this idiot “negging” me? What did they mean by this comment or that? Is this a date or an interview? Is there such a thing as a wrong answer?

Keyboard warriors, clicktivism and overvaluing our own opinions

Sometimes you think a friend needs saving via your passive aggressive posts. Sometimes you think callout culture will change hearts and minds. Here's why they don't work.

Declining sexual advances reveals fragile gay male ego

"He said I sent mixed signals, and that he doesn’t have time for games — all because I didn’t drop everything and drop my panties."

Grindr, sexual racism, and the problem with ‘preference’

'I don’t appreciate being called a racist when I have “a type,” just like so many other people when it comes to sex and relationships.' OK, let's unpack.

Monster in Law wants queer couple to act ‘less gay’

As their lives and their roles in yours change, it's time to find a new normal with the people who raised you or your spouse.

One Atlanta couple’s really homophobic totally racist very bad Stonewall March

'A white guy we don't know “borrowed” my sunglasses and called himself the N-word in front of my black husband. Et tu, Homo? Then things got worse.'

Is the queer Left ‘shoulding’ each other into oblivion?

Liberal guilt is a double-edged sword in the wrong hands. A mind toward equality and away from privilege is one thing. A misguided need to prove our woke-ness is entirely different.

Um, I think my date just bailed without saying goodbye

"Some 90 minutes and several questions from friends about his absence later, I got a return text, “I’m fine.” “I went home.” What the hell?"

Ghosting, shaming and being mean when they’re not that into you

The distance and anonymity of urban life make it easier to dehumanize each other in every situation, but it hurts even more when it's part of dating.

For LGBTQs in love, one size almost never fits all

Marriage equality presents the option to legally wed, not a requirement. Instead of forcing it, people are realizing it's not an all-or-nothing proposition.

Angry gay man judges ‘Manboys’ and everyone but himself

Recently, our advice column suggested 'Manboy' stop policing friends and work on himself. We struck a nerve with a reader showing 10 times the affliction.

When you’re two tops in love trying to win a sword fight

"We click on every level but that one. I’ve bottomed a couple times, but when I bring up reciprocation, we argue. When I’m not willing, it’s like a sword fight down there."

Playing high-low when ‘not in the mood’ meets ‘just gotta have it’

Barring a few important caveats, here's how couples with perpetually mismatched libidos can be patient, communicate, try and try again — together — so that everybody wins.

What if I’m not ‘Kinsey 6 Gold Plated Gay-Gay’ any more?

Does sex with a trans man remove my coveted 'gay' rating, and if so, am I not certified 'Gold' any more? And since everyone is getting married, should we?

When you grow up but your friends are stuck in a queer culture loop

"I’m not sure when I graduated from innuendo t-shirts, gold booty shorts and Mickey Mouse ears when not at Disney World, but I did."

My ex drained me dry, and now he’s everywhere I go

'My friends are the only thing I have after all the trauma I’ve been through, so I can’t drop them despite his proximity to them when I go out. Avoiding him is impossible. I'm so triggered.'

Vanity Philanthropy: When contributions are all about you

Doing good is not nearly as sweet if donations and fundraisers are all about the organizers rather than the beneficiaries they're out to help.