Q Advice

Speak Up: How to ask for and get what you want in bed

"Please help me tell tops that a little foreplay goes a long way? I’m not saying it should be all my way, but it shouldn’t be their way or the highway either."

All methed up: Is my friend back on drugs, or like, annoyingly perky?

Friends hid a meth addiction until they were found out. They're supposedly in recovery, but they're still all over the place. How can you be sure?

‘Daddy’ not Dad: Sick of assumptions that I’m my boyfriend’s father

Adding him to my life has been a blessing, but while I expected some people wouldn’t understand, I didn't predict the constant shaming.

Oops! My neo-lib parents are totally racist

They accepted you being gay, but when you bring home a Latinx boyfriend, parents hit a snag as privileges and prejudices get tested.

You’re Canceled: The useless conceit of queer call-out culture

I did a bad thing. It was wrong and ugly, and the public fallout was messy. I was put on blast, and it spiraled before an audience hungry for blood.

Dating your way through the Queer Law of Least Attraction

It can feel like there’s an unwritten law that the people we are attracted to are somehow the least likely to be the ones attracted to us, and vice versa.

Addicted to Love: The high cost of navigating love vs. obsession

Sweet fulfillment can get replaced by intense loneliness. When he’s not here, I want him so bad it hurts. When he is, we can be miserable.

Those controlling queers who try to stage-direct how others act

And, scene! The holidays, the boo and the friends may be a recipe for disaster, but getting people to act like someone they're not won't ever work.

Are you a Sugar Mama/Daddy, or just unfairly supporting your partner?

Being a Sugar Baby is fine if both sides consent to the arrangement. If it's not what you agreed, it’s not only fair to bring it up, but well advised to do so.

You’re not that busy: What your constant hurry really means

No one is busier than anyone else. We all have the same 24 hours and pack them with priorities. Your "busyness" reads as overextended and self-important.

Toxic 101: 16 signs that your relationship is abusive

"We’ve both lashed out unfairly, even cruelly, at each other. We aim to wound instead of heal. When I’m not afraid of my partner flying off the handle, I’m worried I’ve created the same fear."

Touch myself: Pleasuring our way past pesky sexual hang-ups

"I love sex. Show me a person, and right or wrong, I decide within milliseconds what they look like naked, whether or not I’d do them, and how it would be if I did."

Those ‘FML’ people and what constant whining really means

When it becomes a habit to lean on those who can’t do anything but empathize, you’re mischaracterizing their responsibility in your relationship. You’re not asking for help. You’re just listing your grievances.

Queers beating ourselves up over those ‘other’ STDs that aren’t HIV

"I tested positive for HSV-2. Two weeks later, I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. There’s so much emphasis on HIV that when I started PrEP, it created a false sense of security."

‘Help! I’m the jealous type and in love with a sex worker’

The Q turned to sex industry professionals, advocates and our readers for the advice column this week, and we share their insights in lieu of our usual responses.

Why so many queers play doormat to get a little love

Relationship troubles are even worse if you let people walk all over you. It’s exhausting, and you’ve both gotten used to the arrangement.

Too many LGBTQs trying to read minds on dates and apps

Did she just pull a bait and switch? Is this idiot “negging” me? What did they mean by this comment or that? Is this a date or an interview? Is there such a thing as a wrong answer?

Keyboard warriors, clicktivism and overvaluing our own opinions

Sometimes you think a friend needs saving via your passive aggressive posts. Sometimes you think callout culture will change hearts and minds. Here's why they don't work.

Declining sexual advances reveals fragile gay male ego

"He said I sent mixed signals, and that he doesn’t have time for games — all because I didn’t drop everything and drop my panties."

Grindr, sexual racism, and the problem with ‘preference’

'I don’t appreciate being called a racist when I have “a type,” just like so many other people when it comes to sex and relationships.' OK, let's unpack.
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