Q Advice

Stay home, yes even if you’re bored, horny and at ‘low risk’

I heard Midtown is Gay Ground Zero for coronavirus, but all my friends are still cruising and hooking up. How worried should I really be?

Stuck together and sticking it out in a quarantined uncuffing season

We joked all winter that we met during cuffing season, and that cuddling through cold nights would be nice only while they lasted. Well, spring is here.

Attention queers who jump to conclusions: It’s not all about you

Furious that your date had to cancel? Your significant other is taking you for granted? You’re just plain new to love? Well, maybe it - gasp! - has nothing to do with you.

Despicable Me: Queer shame and forgiving our past selves

"I’ve come a long way, but I still wake up thinking that I’m on a park bench, under an overpass, or naked in a stranger’s bed. There's a shame that I can’t shake even when fully awake."

I love you, goodbye: How to break up with someone you love

We've been together 28 years, and it needs to end. It’s hard to imagine life without them, but it's time to figure out, "I love you. Goodbye."

Cheater, Cheater: Why am I only attracted to married people?

I was hurt deeply and played thoroughly, so keeping relationships casual feels right for me, but most singles really want the ever-after. I don't.

Can he find just one other gay man who isn’t garbage?

Whether gay, straight, trans and/or bisexual, every woman in my life is reliable, emotionally available, and most of all, trustworthy. I call them my Pussy Posse.

Speak Up: How to ask for and get what you want in bed

"Please help me tell tops that a little foreplay goes a long way? I’m not saying it should be all my way, but it shouldn’t be their way or the highway either."

All methed up: Is my friend back on drugs, or like, annoyingly perky?

Friends hid a meth addiction until they were found out. They're supposedly in recovery, but they're still all over the place. How can you be sure?

‘Daddy’ not Dad: Sick of assumptions that I’m my boyfriend’s father

Adding him to my life has been a blessing, but while I expected some people wouldn’t understand, I didn't predict the constant shaming.

Oops! My neo-lib parents are totally racist

They accepted you being gay, but when you bring home a Latinx boyfriend, parents hit a snag as privileges and prejudices get tested.

You’re Canceled: The useless conceit of queer call-out culture

I did a bad thing. It was wrong and ugly, and the public fallout was messy. I was put on blast, and it spiraled before an audience hungry for blood.

Dating your way through the Queer Law of Least Attraction

It can feel like there’s an unwritten law that the people we are attracted to are somehow the least likely to be the ones attracted to us, and vice versa.

Addicted to Love: The high cost of navigating love vs. obsession

Sweet fulfillment can get replaced by intense loneliness. When he’s not here, I want him so bad it hurts. When he is, we can be miserable.

Those controlling queers who try to stage-direct how others act

And, scene! The holidays, the boo and the friends may be a recipe for disaster, but getting people to act like someone they're not won't ever work.

Are you a Sugar Mama/Daddy, or just unfairly supporting your partner?

Being a Sugar Baby is fine if both sides consent to the arrangement. If it's not what you agreed, it’s not only fair to bring it up, but well advised to do so.

You’re not that busy: What your constant hurry really means

No one is busier than anyone else. We all have the same 24 hours and pack them with priorities. Your "busyness" reads as overextended and self-important.

Toxic 101: 16 signs that your relationship is abusive

"We’ve both lashed out unfairly, even cruelly, at each other. We aim to wound instead of heal. When I’m not afraid of my partner flying off the handle, I’m worried I’ve created the same fear."

Touch myself: Pleasuring our way past pesky sexual hang-ups

"I love sex. Show me a person, and right or wrong, I decide within milliseconds what they look like naked, whether or not I’d do them, and how it would be if I did."

Those ‘FML’ people and what constant whining really means

When it becomes a habit to lean on those who can’t do anything but empathize, you’re mischaracterizing their responsibility in your relationship. You’re not asking for help. You’re just listing your grievances.