Q Advice

Coming out bi, trans, poz? When, why to share your queer truth

Full disclosure can be the right thing to do, but knowing the right timing and reasons to be upfront is trickier. Coming out gay, trans or poz in The Q advice column.

When you’re more vertically challenged than the average bear

'I’m a pocket queer. Almost everything I can do for myself, of course, and I get insulted when others assume I’m helpless.' What he can and can't do in this week's advice column.

When you’re two tops in love trying to win a sword fight

"We click on every level but that one. I’ve bottomed a couple times, but when I bring up reciprocation, we argue. When I’m not willing, it’s like a sword fight down there."

Toxic 101: 16 signs that your relationship is abusive

"We’ve both lashed out unfairly, even cruelly, at each other. We aim to wound instead of heal. When I’m not afraid of my partner flying off the handle, I’m worried I’ve created the same fear."

Dos and Don’ts when you suspect a friend is abusing drugs

When a friend’s possible drug use moves past indulgence and into excess, you may have a party monster on your hands, but you also have expectations and obligations to sort.

My dating history is just a long queue of bad choices

People have sex for all kinds of reasons, and you could get something out of bad encounters that excites your subconscious even as it sabotages your conscious well-being.

Monster in Law wants queer couple to act ‘less gay’

As their lives and their roles in yours change, it's time to find a new normal with the people who raised you or your spouse.

Keyboard warriors, clicktivism and overvaluing our own opinions

Sometimes you think a friend needs saving via your passive aggressive posts. Sometimes you think callout culture will change hearts and minds. Here's why they don't work.

A touch-averse guide to gay friends kissing and hugging

Navigating the 'gay hug' gets tricky when you're culturally tuned into lots of personal space with friends. It gets really tricky when your boo doesn't have that affliction.

Too many LGBTQs trying to read minds on dates and apps

Did she just pull a bait and switch? Is this idiot “negging” me? What did they mean by this comment or that? Is this a date or an interview? Is there such a thing as a wrong answer?

Cheater, Cheater: Why am I only attracted to married people?

I was hurt deeply and played thoroughly, so keeping relationships casual feels right for me, but most singles really want the ever-after. I don't.

Is the queer Left ‘shoulding’ each other into oblivion?

Liberal guilt is a double-edged sword in the wrong hands. A mind toward equality and away from privilege is one thing. A misguided need to prove our woke-ness is entirely different.

Why so many of us play doormat to get a little love

Relationship troubles are even worse if you let people walk all over you. It’s exhausting, and you’ve both gotten used to the arrangement.

Is cybersex still cheating, and are lies of omission still… lies?

Q: I didn’t plan it, but after breaking up with my ex a couple months ago, I started hooking up with his best friend....

Those ‘FML’ people and what constant whining really means

When it becomes a habit to lean on those who can’t do anything but empathize, you’re mischaracterizing their responsibility in your relationship. You’re not asking for help. You’re just listing your grievances.

Three breakups, six hearts and one difficult solution

Breaking up is hard to do, and every split feels like the worst one, ever. A look at what you can do, and what you should avoid, as The Q tries to apply some solutions as salve.

Help! I’m single and looking but definitely not for ‘this person’

Why are my fellow queers intent on setting me up with crazies and freaks – sorry, but these people are actually crazy and weird, they just are – who would never make a match for me.

Oh the tangled web of sex with coworkers

The thrill of office-party hookups, interoffice flirting and longterm secret affairs between coworkers is gone when the jig is up, or the participants realize they don't see eye to eye on what's happening.

Stalkers and exes who don’t know how to let go

Leaving affections in the past, or forgetting them as never-were, isn't as easy as for some people as others. Whether it's your a-hole ex or your unrequited love, it's time to let it go.

Bad Romance: How to love yourself and other people

Fit to fat? Bad romance? D-I-V-O-R-C-E? Ask the Q why self respect and integrity are the keys to common problems queers often face without a solid foundation to make the right call.