Q Advice

Manboys, midlife and friends stuck in a queer culture loop

"I’m not sure when I graduated from innuendo t-shirts, gold booty shorts and Mickey Mouse ears when not at Disney World, but I did."

You’re not that busy: What your constant hurry really means

No one is busier than anyone else. We all have the same 24 hours and pack them with priorities. Your "busyness" reads as overextended and self-important.

Touch myself: Pleasuring our way past sexual hang-ups

"I love sex. Show me a person, and right or wrong, I decide within milliseconds what they look like naked, whether or not I’d do them, and how it would be if I did."

Controlling queens who stage-direct how others act

And, scene! The holidays, the boo and the friends may be a recipe for disaster, but getting people to act like someone they're not won't ever work.

Gay Republicans, mean girls and queers who want to change them

The Q advice column digs into two situations that illustrate just two ways that changing others is not only impossible but also not our job, and why we can't save everybody.

Coming out bi, trans, poz? When, why to share your queer truth

Full disclosure can be the right thing to do, but knowing the right timing and reasons to be upfront is trickier. Coming out gay, trans or poz in The Q advice column.

When you’re more vertically challenged than the average bear

'I’m a pocket queer. Almost everything I can do for myself, of course, and I get insulted when others assume I’m helpless.' What he can and can't do in this week's advice column.

When you’re two tops in love trying to win a sword fight

"We click on every level but that one. I’ve bottomed a couple times, but when I bring up reciprocation, we argue. When I’m not willing, it’s like a sword fight down there."

Toxic 101: 16 signs that your relationship is abusive

"We’ve both lashed out unfairly, even cruelly, at each other. We aim to wound instead of heal. When I’m not afraid of my partner flying off the handle, I’m worried I’ve created the same fear."

Dos and Don’ts when you suspect a friend is abusing drugs

When a friend’s possible drug use moves past indulgence and into excess, you may have a party monster on your hands, but you also have expectations and obligations to sort.

My dating history is just a long queue of bad choices

People have sex for all kinds of reasons, and you could get something out of bad encounters that excites your subconscious even as it sabotages your conscious well-being.

Monster in Law wants queer couple to act ‘less gay’

As their lives and their roles in yours change, it's time to find a new normal with the people who raised you or your spouse.

Keyboard warriors, clicktivism and overvaluing our own opinions

Sometimes you think a friend needs saving via your passive aggressive posts. Sometimes you think callout culture will change hearts and minds. Here's why they don't work.

A touch-averse guide to gay friends kissing and hugging

Navigating the 'gay hug' gets tricky when you're culturally tuned into lots of personal space with friends. It gets really tricky when your boo doesn't have that affliction.

Too many LGBTQs trying to read minds on dates and apps

Did she just pull a bait and switch? Is this idiot “negging” me? What did they mean by this comment or that? Is this a date or an interview? Is there such a thing as a wrong answer?

Cheater, Cheater: Why am I only attracted to married people?

I was hurt deeply and played thoroughly, so keeping relationships casual feels right for me, but most singles really want the ever-after. I don't.

Is the queer Left ‘shoulding’ each other into oblivion?

Liberal guilt is a double-edged sword in the wrong hands. A mind toward equality and away from privilege is one thing. A misguided need to prove our woke-ness is entirely different.

Why so many of us play doormat to get a little love

Relationship troubles are even worse if you let people walk all over you. It’s exhausting, and you’ve both gotten used to the arrangement.

Is cybersex still cheating, and are lies of omission still… lies?

Q: I didn’t plan it, but after breaking up with my ex a couple months ago, I started hooking up with his best friend....

Those ‘FML’ people and what constant whining really means

When it becomes a habit to lean on those who can’t do anything but empathize, you’re mischaracterizing their responsibility in your relationship. You’re not asking for help. You’re just listing your grievances.