Q Advice

Despicable Me: Forgiving our own sordid pasts

"I’ve come a long way, but I still wake up thinking that I’m on a park bench, under an overpass, or naked in a stranger’s bed. There's a shame that I can’t shake even when fully awake."

One Atlanta couple’s really homophobic totally racist very bad day

'A white guy we don't know “borrowed” my sunglasses and called himself the N-word in front of my black husband. Et tu, Homo? Then things got worse.'

That’s methed up: Is friend back on drugs, or just annoyingly perky?

Friends hid a meth addiction until they were found out. They're supposedly in recovery, but they're still all over the place. How can you be sure?

Pandemic leaves boyfriends ‘stuck together and sticking it out’

We joked all winter that we met during cuffing season, and that cuddling through cold nights would be nice only while they lasted. Well, spring is here.

He’s just out of the closet. Is it a relationship deal breaker?

Tapping divergence as fuel, but knowing when discordant relationships are a good challenge to have, and when your differences are actually dealbreakers worth considering.

Declining sex reveals Atlanta’s worst pool party lush

"He said I sent mixed signals, and that he doesn’t have time for games — all because I didn’t drop everything and drop my panties."

‘Can I say no to marriage to save the relationship?’

Marriage equality presents the option to legally wed, not a requirement. Instead of forcing it, people are realizing it's not an all-or-nothing proposition.

When the hard truth is the hardest possible option

Q: There I am, minding my own business at a work party, when the sketchiest of sketchy queens at our office heads toward me. He...

Addicted to love: the high cost of obsession

Sweet fulfillment can get replaced by intense loneliness. When he’s not here, I want him so bad it hurts. When he is, we can be miserable.

Red flags, bad dates and help for perpetually poor choices

All seemed well until the guy started withdrawing a bit, saying he was sure he had gotten herpes and could “feel the disease in his body.” It was seriously kinda crazy.

Manboys, midlife and friends stuck in a queer culture loop

"I’m not sure when I graduated from innuendo t-shirts, gold booty shorts and Mickey Mouse ears when not at Disney World, but I did."

You’re not that busy: What your constant hurry really means

No one is busier than anyone else. We all have the same 24 hours and pack them with priorities. Your "busyness" reads as overextended and self-important.

Touch myself: Pleasuring our way past sexual hang-ups

"I love sex. Show me a person, and right or wrong, I decide within milliseconds what they look like naked, whether or not I’d do them, and how it would be if I did."

Controlling queens who stage-direct how others act

And, scene! The holidays, the boo and the friends may be a recipe for disaster, but getting people to act like someone they're not won't ever work.

Gay Republicans, mean girls and queers who want to change them

The Q advice column digs into two situations that illustrate just two ways that changing others is not only impossible but also not our job, and why we can't save everybody.

Coming out bi, trans, poz? When, why to share your queer truth

Full disclosure can be the right thing to do, but knowing the right timing and reasons to be upfront is trickier. Coming out gay, trans or poz in The Q advice column.

When you’re more vertically challenged than the average bear

'I’m a pocket queer. Almost everything I can do for myself, of course, and I get insulted when others assume I’m helpless.' What he can and can't do in this week's advice column.

When you’re two tops in love trying to win a sword fight

"We click on every level but that one. I’ve bottomed a couple times, but when I bring up reciprocation, we argue. When I’m not willing, it’s like a sword fight down there."

Toxic 101: 16 signs that your relationship is abusive

"We’ve both lashed out unfairly, even cruelly, at each other. We aim to wound instead of heal. When I’m not afraid of my partner flying off the handle, I’m worried I’ve created the same fear."

Dos and Don’ts when you suspect a friend is abusing drugs

When a friend’s possible drug use moves past indulgence and into excess, you may have a party monster on your hands, but you also have expectations and obligations to sort.