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image“True Blood” starts this week with an exciting kill, but soon it feels more like we’re killing time. Multiple plots just plod, but enticing twists in the final minutes might be signs of fangtastic things to come.

Of course, we hoped the same thing last week when Joe Lee surprised Tommy from behind with a choke collar (top photo). But after we wait a week, the payoff of some true “True Blood” payback doesn’t last very long. When Tommy puts a beat down on his double-crossing parents and puts them out of our misery for good, we’re thinking the early-season mishmash is finally headed toward some action.

Unfortunately, the bait and switch continues with the main characters. Just as we thought Eric was forever milquetoast and annoying, previews showed him draining Sookie dry, and as we told you in an off-season teaser, Godric returns.

imageIt happens! Godric is dead, but there he is with a new haircut admonishing Eric (middle photo) and ordering him to kill Sookie. Fangs out, they both dig in. Sookie screams. We jump. But no. It’s just a dream. Cue namby-pamby Eric sulking while Sookie strokes his hair. Yawn.

Speaking of dreams, Jason gets more gay action this week than the actually gay Lafayette and Jesus and the conveniently gay Tara, all of whom are basically doing nothing while bitching up a storm as if they’re making progress in the witches vs. vampires conundrum. Rescued by Jessica and Hoyt, Jason is sleeping off his trailer trash trials when he sex-dreams that Jessica is riding him like a stallion. Then she turns into Hoyt! “Good gravy,” indeed.

imageNot so dreamy, Pam’s face is fuh-cuck-ta and rotting off piece by piece (bottom photo) after Marnie’s spell. It’s not a good look, and what’s worse, crazy dolt Marnie can’t remember how she did it or how to reverse it. In her exasperation, Pam lets slip to Bill that Eric is not missing. He’s over at Sookie’s getting to first base.

The credits roll just as it’s getting good. Before that, Sam cares-doesn’t-care about Tommy enough to help him dump their parents bodies, and Jessica cares-doesn’t-care about Hoyt. Arlene and Terry care enough to call for an exorcism of their baby’s evil, Bill doesn’t care for Portia’s continued advances, and Alcide doesn’t care to join the local werewolf pack.

All we care about is some actual developments in these plodding plotlines. Perhaps the inevitable Bill-Eric showdown and the impending full moon will finally get us there.