Stay home, yes even if you’re bored, horny and at ‘low risk’


I heard Midtown was recently pronounced Gay Ground Zero for coronavirus, but even amid the lockdown, all my friends are still cruising the Beltline, hooking up on Grindr and doing takeout for every meal without a thought to six feet of social distance.

I’m never around old people or anything, and I'm young, healthy and horny. How worried should I really be about this mess?

Dear Cor-Oh-No You Betta Don’t! 

It’s difficult for every one of us to have our lives and lifestyles interrupted, but in the very best-case scenario, you only prolong the quarantine by ignoring it.

For most people, the sheer duration of self-isolation is the worst part, and that’s a good thing. The fewer of us suffering the actual disease shows that our efforts are working. 

It’s a lesson in shared responsibility that may be lacking among your peers, but learn it we must. If not for yourself or your friends who think they are at low risk for the worst cases, do it for the community you may be having trouble picturing.

Everyone pays when people selfishly buck social distancing protocols and stay-at-home orders, no matter how much you want to hook up and no matter how careful you think you might be. First, nearly 25% of coronvirus carriers have no symptoms at all. You or the people you meet may not realize they are sick.

Even if you don't have the virus, say you’re on your way to a trick’s place, and you touch a handrail with coronavirus on it. Then you transfer it to a door handle or PIN pad. Another person touches that, and they have one of several immune deficiencies, autoimmune diseases or other risk factors. 

That person touches their eye while out buying lifesaving medicine or food to survive, and they get so sick that they die. Re-read that sentence. It’s not an exaggeration.

It’s not just “old people,” as you suggest, who are at risk. People of all ages are dying with COVID-19, and not just those who are elderly, diabetic, being treated for cancer, have HIV, suffer from Crohn’s Disease or any number of other conditions. 

Through the surfaces we touch, all manner of your fellow humans are mixing with not just you, but effectively, every person you party with, have sex with, or to whom you come unnecessarily too close. The longer you do, the longer it takes to get the virus under control, and the longer we all stay at home.

For the next several weeks, your safest sex partner — for everyone within miles of you — is you. But if you’re going to reach out and touch someone during this time, do it through technology. 

There is tell on the grapevine of some very hot Facetime sessions between two or more sequestered guys who met on hookup apps. Separated sex partners are also getting hot and heavy on Skype and other video chat services. 

The Q is intended for entertainment purposes and not as professional counseling. Send your burning Qs to [email protected]

Illustration by Brad Gibson

This column originally ran in Q magazine. Read the full issue below:

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