If you're flipping the sexual coin and messing with people's emotions, the two sides of your desire reveal more about you than the objects of your affection you're blaming.
There’s a disconnect between my one-night stands and the girls I actually date. I tend to date sweet girl-next-door types but have sex with naughty girls who nobody in their right mind would ever take home to Mom.
The truth of it is that good girls just don’t turn me on. At all. I try to turn my carnal desires toward them, but end up having to make up excuses. I’ve gone directly from one of these dates to one of my dependable bad girl booty calls, where I find no trouble diving right in, so to speak.
I want to settle down with the perfect woman with the perfect life – kids, white picket fence, the whole nine. I’m not going to land that girl if I can’t picture her as the object of my desires. What can I do?
This is a queer twist on the classic Madonna Whore Complex. No, not that Madonna. Stay with me here.
The MW Complex centers on the juxtaposition of emotional attraction to Nice (“Madonna,” as in the Virgin Mary) but sexual attraction to Naughty (“Whore”). For those with the Complex, these attractions are mutually exclusive, so hitting the jackpot of an angel in the streets and a freak in the sheets doesn't work for them.
It’s said that people like you might feel guilty for having super dirty thoughts about someone they otherwise hold in such high regard. Whatever the cause, you’re not the first to want an upstanding wife in the streets and a ravenous slut in the sheets.
The first step toward making an adjustment is to accept that no real human can live up to your idealized standard of “perfect wife.” On the flip side, there’s something missing when you consider another person solely as an object.
The day you stop glorifying either of those impossible standards is the day you take a step toward seeing the naughty and nice in every potential relationship.
I can make sweet sweet love to my man like some John Legend song wants me to, but when we hit the go-go bar, my inner animal comes out. I want to play rough with my favorite stripper in the VIP room and toss him aside like a used dinner napkin. Should I worry about my different sexual sides?
Dear Two Face:
Like our buddy above, there is no problem and zero shame in recognizing your different sexual sides. Since you're not holding back from a "Madonna" to give it to a "Whore," sounds like you’ve got a good handle on playing both sides of your coin.
Anything to worry about? If you’re asking because your patterns are creating friction in your relationship or within yourself, there's your answer. My first concern would be less your penchant for go-go peen and more your inclination to use fellow humans like objects.
The Q is for entertainment purposes and not professional counseling. Send your burning Qs to [email protected]
Illustration by Brad Gibson
This article originally appeared in Q magazine. Flip through the digital version below, and pick up a new issue each week.