You don’t have to go far to imagine Dolly Parton as an ethereal dance diva or her iconic hits as gay anthems, so while we wait for her promised gay dance album to come to fruition, we’re happy to have a reason to wallow anew in Dolly magic.
Just a couple of months after Parton reiterated love for gay love, she told reporters last week that she’s toying with a dance ditty called “Just a Wee Bit Gay.” The collective gay gasp around the world was audible. A Dolly hit written specifically for us? As a dance track? Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.
"It's a great little dance tune, it's funny and it's got a lot of comic in it," she told reporters. "I do write a lot of songs along those lines with people that are different and are just themselves."
The pop culture legend dropped the bombshell about the song with an even bigger one: It could be a single on an entire dance album with "several songs that are very positive towards the gay community," she said. That got us thinking. How can we await this must-have album and still get our Dolly on right now? Easy: Let’s gay-tweak her existing hits to make them even gayer.
As it turns out, producers have been putting Dolly classics to a beat since forever, and Parton herself put out a dance version of “Baby I’m Burnin’” in 1979. Come along on a walk down Dolly Lane to hear those and other tunes beating hard with dance floor redos. Just for fun, we also mixed in a few suggestions of our own for big gay redos of Dolly ditties.
“Jolene” (Kygo Remix)
Only Dolly can make "Bitch, don't take my man" sound classy. This time, with a beat.
“Higher and Higher”
A song about the euphoric moments just before a circuit queen’s twirl-out on a bad batch of GHB.
Big gay redo: “Why’d You Come in Here Lookin’ Like That?”
An ode to your ex with an eye roll, mixed seamlessly with “Here You Come Again.” Get it, Disco Dolly.
“9 to 5” (DMC Remix)
Not a song about your expectations in inches vs. reality in inches when his pants come off and you discover he's stuffing his package.
Big gay redo: “Code of Many Colors”
You never did properly decipher the complicated hanky code of your ex's psyche issues and sexual hangups. Rainbow Dolly brings light to the plight.
“Baby I’m Burnin’” (12” Disco Mix)
STDs. Let’s dance about ‘em!
Big gay redo: “Two Whores Down”
This remake is about three man-ho’s – the two that tricked with your man, and the bastard himself. You only have one ass left to kick, and you're saving the most wrath for last. Solid Gold Dolly serves the beatdown.
“I Will Always Love You”
Dolly probably won't do a dance remix of her most financially lucrative song. Because Whitney.
Top 5 Reimagined Dolly Hits with a Gay Twist
Gayer versions of the classics for the dance album, sung to the tune of the originals that inspired them. ARTPOP Dolly at the mic.
5. “Mancandy Christmas” (“Hardcandy Christmas”)
4. “Homo” (“Home”)
3. “(Don’t Even) Try” (“Try”)
2. “Backroom Barbie” (“Backwoods Barbie”)
1. “Old Queen” (“Jolene”)
"(Hands off My) Potential New Boyfriend"
Gayest Dolly song ever? You decide.
"Peace Train (Junior Vasquez Extended Club Mix)"
Because nothing says gay dance juggernaut like a treatment by this gay circuit legend.
Press play on some beat-rifficly irresistible Parton medleys.
(“Peace Train,” “Baby I'm Burnin',” “Walking on Sunshine,” “Two Doors Down,” “Jolene”)
(“9 to 5,” “Walking On Sunshine,” “Peace Train”)
(“The Bargain Store,” “Put A Little Love In Your Heart,” “9 to 5,” “Joshua,” “Mule Skinner Blues”)