Are we a nation of two-pump chumps?

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imageContributing blogger Mike Alvear is an Atlanta-based columnist, author and TV personality who rants on sex, dating and pop culture while living at the corner of urge and merge. Find more from him at his blog.

Condom manufacturers only test for 50 thrusts. And there’s a reason why they have a bag-it-at-50 rule: Men don’t last long enough to warrant more.

Every study I’ve had thrusted upon me says the same thing–between 65% and 75% of men don’t last more than five minutes.

That wasn’t a typo. Five minutes. This, of course, is no surprise to the ladies– or the bottoms –who want their partners to enter the premature ejaculation event at the London Olympics, figuring they’ll come first.

Are we a nation of two-pump chumps? Five-stroke blokes? Hardly. It’s not just American men who have an early-to-bed, early-to-fall issue. Studies are consistent across cultures. To understand why men are so quick on the draw, context is in order. The average love-making session lasts 15-20 minutes, with penetration filling up about 5 of those minutes. By the time men get past the preliminaries, the foreplay, and the oral (please, God!), their bang gets the bong and the curtain closes on their act.

Is that bad? Depends. It’s a boon for the people selling T-shirts that say, “World’s Greatest Lover–if speed’s important.” And if you’re on the receiving end and you are not in the mood, it’s a complete blessing. But if you’ve got insatiable needs, not so much. I suppose you could put your partner on an anti-depressant (the most frequent sexual side effect is delayed ejaculation) but that seems a bit selfish. Buy him this, instead. It’s the only book that’ll help him last longer.

Or for a much shorter version of the book (and a lot funnier), you can watch my video below.

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