Help! I’m single and looking but definitely not for ‘this person’

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“The people who I find attractive don’t reciprocate, and the ones who do show interest aren’t setting off any sparks on my end,” and “Why are my fellow queers intent on setting me up with crazies and freaks who would never make a match for me.”

Q:

I was already sick of straight friends and family trying to set me up on dates. Now my queer friends are in on it, pushing their work colleagues and random acquaintances on me.

Straight people think that “he’s gay too” is enough. But my fellow queers should know better, shouldn’t they?

They’re setting me up with crazies and freaks – sorry, but these people are actually crazy and freaky – who would never make a match for me.

How can I get everyone to stop?

Dear Single:

Setting people up on unsolicited blind dates is annoying. It can even border on insulting, no matter if the well-meaning matchmaker is straight or LGBTQ.

The good news is that your friends and family think you’re a great catch, and they’re trying to help. Keep that in mind when you sit them down and set them straight… so to speak.

Firstly, decline the blind date. You’re not obligated to go, and it will help them see that their efforts are fruitless. Then lay out your case.

Feel free to point out that you are capable and that they are nosy. Add that their choices have been borderline offensive. “Is this guy (“crazy person,” “weirdo,” etc.) really what you think of me?”

Then all parties can go off and find their own flavor of crazy and weird. Because trust me, you and your perfect pairing are somebody else’s freaks.

On the other hand, if you’re down for a blind date, ask the friend or family member a qualifying question: “Would you be flattered if I set him up with you?”

Q:

I’ve been single for a long time. I want a significant other, but after two long-term relationships, I wonder if I’ve already had my allotted love for this lifetime.

The people who I find attractive don’t reciprocate, and the ones who do show interest don’t set off my sparks. Help!

Dear Looking:

It’s difficult to be perpetually single when you want a relationship. But you’re not finished with coupling unless you decide to be. Of course, deciding to find The One won’t make it happen tomorrow, but being open to the possibility is a great way to start.

Having former relationships means you know what you want, and what you don’t. You’re naturally pickier, and that’s OK. It also means you can survive being single, so stop playing it safe.

Take chances. Show the real you. Say what you mean. Do what you love.

Be on the lookout for similarly experienced people while pursuing your best self. They already share your interests in events, areas of interest and hobbies.

In short, Mr. or Ms. Perfect Potential is most likely to cross your path while you’re living your life. Get out there, do you, keep your eyes open, and have a little faith.

Q Advice is for entertainment, not counseling. Send your Qs to [email protected].

Illustration by Brad Gibson

This article also appeared in Q ATLus magazine. Read the full issue here:

Pick up each weekly edition of QATLus at LGBTQ and allied venues around Atlanta, and find fresh content right here every day.

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