A gay guide to the Super Bowl & straight guys

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imageReady or not, you are bound to come in contact with Super Bowl XLIV and straight guys today. While your gay world may not come to a halt, the rest of the country has and we’ve got tips to help you survive.

There are plenty of gay angles surrounding the game, what with the Tim Tebow ad, the rejection of the ManCrunch commercial and the slew of hot jocks, including Sam Giguere, gay-marriage loving Scott Fujita (photo) and a shirtless, milk-slurping Reggie Bush.

But let’s get to the game. Advertising exec Donny Deutsch may not think you watch the game, but we know better. So, courtesy of those gay jocks at Outsports, we’ve got a primer on the actual game.

WHAT: Super Bowl XLIV (44 for those Roman-numerically impaired) features the New Orleans Saints (15-3) from the National Football Conference and the Indianapolis Colts (16-2) from the American Football Conference. The Colts have been made a 5-point favorite by the Vegas oddsmakers. The Colts conference, the AFC, has won seven of the last nine Super Bowls. I need to state up front that I am a huge Colts fans and will be in the minority in rooting interest. The sentimental story are the Saints and their bond to New Orleans, especially in light of Hurricane Katrina.

KICKOFF/TV: The game is set to begin at 6:25 p.m. EST (or sometime thereafter), shortly after Carrie Underwood belts out the National Anthem. Carrie Underwood, preceded by Jennifer Hudson preceded by Jordan Sparks as anthem singers. Is there some Super Bowl-“American Idol” tie-in I don’t know about?

FASHION NOTE: The Colts are the designated home team and will wear their royal blue jerseys with white pants. The Colts have a classic white helmet, with a blue horseshoe as the logo. It’s one of the best logos in sports. The Saints are also styling, and will wear their white jerseys with gold pants. Their helmet is cool gold color with a black fleur de lis.

Of course, the Super Bowl comes with parties. Lots of them. (We’ve got the rundown of the gay gatherings here.) And with the parties often come the straight guys. So here’s a primer on how to deal with them.

THE GAY ANGLE: One player to root for is Saints linebacker Scott Fujita, a Caucasian adopted and raised by a Japanese-American dad and Caucasian mom. Fujita is unequivocal in his support of gay marriage.

Fujita, a political science major from Cal-Berkeley, is married with two kids, but still hasn’t stopped ignorant NFL players from trying to get under his skin. “They call me the Pinko Communist Fag from Berkeley,” he told Zirin. He added that, “I know for the most part, [players] are a lot more tolerant than they get credit for but they’re not comfortable yet speaking out about it. It’s going to come in time. By in large, it’s an opinion that’s shared by more people than are realized. I just wish it was shared by everybody.”

THE GAME: After all the hype and distractions, there will be a game and it should be a good one. The Saints led the league in scoring, while the Colts offense is equally strong. The quarterbacks, Brees and Manning, are both excellent. Manning has an edge in his ability to read a defense, but Brees is no slouch.

You may be catching the game at one of the several gay parties scheduled around it — we’ve got a list of those here. But watching the Super Bowl often means coming in close contact with straight guys. Gawker knows this and offers a contract for getting along with your straight male friends.

While not as fraught or as common as the friendship between gay guys and straight girls, sometimes the butch and the femme want to come together in a Platonic fashion. This is great for both parties. Many gay men experienced teasing and torment in their younger years by the big, butch jocks and other assorted heteros in their high schools and this is a great way to get over the PTSD of daily name calling and atomic wedgies in the boys’ room. For straight guys, having a homo friend is a fine way to get over homophobia as well as welcoming him into the modern world of diversity and acceptance for all.

But straight guys, there are a few things we need to work out first. Don’t expect that we’re going to be the guy you point to when you have to say, “I love gay people! I’m friends with a gay!” and we’re not just going to let you draft off all our straight lady friends so that you can run off and make the future generation of babygays (but thanks for that). This should be a relationship of equals based on strictly above-the-belt affection and shared interest. We may be on different teams, but as men we’re all playing the same sport.

Of course, if you want to dispense with the game and straight guys, head to see Mary Edith Pitts and her show at Burkhart’s beginning at 9 p.m. Or there’s the Armorettes show at Blake’s. Start time is 8 p.m. Just don’t venture upstairs, as that’s where a bunch of gay athletes will be watching the game. Yes, that game.

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