Whitney knew: Why loving yourself is the greatest queer love of all

Fit to fat? Bad romance? D-I-V-O-R-C-E?  Loving yourself and other people is hard. Ask the Q why self respect and integrity are the keys to solving common problems queers often face without a solid foundation to make the right call. 

Q:

I grew up fat but had finally turned a corner on fitness, nutrition, and the psychology that led me to overeat. Then after a devastating personal loss, I slipped into old habits. It didn’t take long to despise my body again.

I recently found my fattest fat pants ever. I see how far I’ve come, and how easily I could slip even further. I need help, hugs and encouragement from those around me to go back to a healthy lifestyle and be proud of my body again!

Dear Former Fat Kid:

Loving your body is the first step, not the last, in this process. Love it enough to eat right and exercise. That includes tough love sometimes, too. 

Getting a handle on healthy habits isn’t a one-and-done proposition. It's for life. After a setback, we might need refreshers to get back on track. That you have the know-how from experience is something to celebrate, not get down about.

The most problematic excess is between your ears, not around your waist. Get some professional advice if needed for the personal loss that led you here, and buck up. Everyone needs hugs, but what you need more are bootstraps to pull yourself up. You got this.

 

Q:

The day the Supreme Court legalized marriage equality, we looked at each other, put on our shoes, drove downtown, and got married. Romantic, right?

Now one of the first same-sex couples to marry in Georgia will be one of the first to divorce. Marriage changed everything. It ruined us. Please tell people not to destroy their fabulous queer relationships by getting married.

Dear Rash:

Every marriage is different, and only as good as its foundation. Yours might have jumped the gun, but don’t jump the gun on what everyone else should do about theirs as well.

There’s no need to rush a marriage or do it impulsively. Besides popping the question, you can learn a lot by asking other questions as well:

What is your greatest failure? Biggest dream? What makes you most grateful? Who are your best friends and why? What was your biggest crisis and how did you handle it? What makes you cry? What are your favorite and least favorite things about me?

 

Q:

It’s time to break up with my boyfriend, but he’s so stuck on me that I’ve just been sort of “phasing him out” instead of making a clean break. It just seems easier to not return texts right away and wait for him to call me instead of initiating. He’s a smart guy, so I know he’ll get the message.

I feel bad about dumping him, because he’s a super sweet guy, but I have no idea what to say to him other than I’m not feeling it. What should I do?

Dear Sadface Emoji:

Hard conversations are hard. Welcome to being a grown up. Stop feeling bad for the breakup and start feeling bad for stringing the guy along. Now go fix it.

The Q is for entertainment purposes and not professional counseling. Send your burning Qs to [email protected].

Illustration by Brad Gibson

This article originally appeared in Q magazine. Read the full issue below, and pick up your hard copy at LGBTQ venues around town: