The Q: Jumping to conclusions that it’s all about you

Whether you’re furious that your date had to cancel, your significant other is taking you for granted, or you’re just plain new to love, maybe it's - gasp! - not about you at all.

Q:

I’ve been dating this successful business professional, and on the morning of our biggest date yet, she texted that her workday imploded and she had to reschedule. I’m livid. How could she? And how could I have gotten my signals so messed up?

Dear Naive:

Take a breath. What if – gasp! – it’s not about you. What if she called as soon as she could and hoped you’d understand that life can get in the way of RomCom perfection?

As long as you’re making assumptions, why not assume that she's being honest and the cancellation has nothing to do with you? Getting your head straight will smooth things out internally as well as in your relationship.

 

Q:

My boyfriend tends to pat my ass on his way out the door, and that’s the extent of affection. He’s says that if I had a better job, I’d understand why he’s so busy. He also thinks “more suitable employment” would make me better able to hang with his rich friends when they go away on weekends. How can I measure up?

Dear Victim:

You do need to make a change, but not in your job. As much as he would like you to think that adjusting your life would suit him, this isn’t about you.

From the way he treats you, to his demeaning comments, to the time he finds for friends but not you, this is all about him. Consider this information your free ticket away from this guy’s emotional abuse.

 

Q:

I’m 19 and in love. What do experienced queers know that I can learn early?

Dear Gayby:

Trust yourself. If you don’t, explore why and get there before you commit to someone else.

Past that, relationships are learning experiences. Here are a few lessons coming in your future: It’s no longer about you; it’s about “us.” You marry their family as well as them; Bathroom taboos and personal space evaporate; Both of you have to change some; Relationships are works in progress and never finished.

The Q is intended for entertainment purposes and not as professional counseling. Send your burning Qs to [email protected]

Illustration by Brad Gibson

This article originally ran as an info graphic in Q magazine. Read the full issue below: