Oh the tangled web when we aim to have sex with coworkers

The thrill of office-party hookups, interoffice flirting and longterm secret affairs between coworkers is gone when the jig is up, or the participants realize they don't see eye to eye on what's happening.

Q:

Things got a little out of hand at our office happy hour. Next thing you know, I'm sucking the chrome off this “straight” coworker’s trailer hitch.

He texted me that weekend, and I met him to do it again. Come Monday, I tried to let him know it’s cool and he can get it whenever he wants, but he acted like nothing happened. When cornered, he asked me to respect his privacy and leave him alone.

I think he’s gay, obviously, but I’m not sure how to proceed.

Dear Thirsty:

There’s nothing obvious about his sexual orientation, but you have more on your plate than whether he’s gay, bisexual or just experimenting.

Welcome to the obstacle course of hurdles and hoops that is sex with a co-worker. The drama should occupy both of your minds for a while, but of course you aren’t the first or last to deal with it.

It doesn't matter if he’s gay, straight or just into good blowjobs. He already shut you down, so his proclivities are none of your business. Step away from the penis, and find a new trailer hitch to polish. Maybe one who doesn’t work with you. The next move, if any, is all his.

 

Q:

I’m a doctor in a local clinic. My personal and professional ethics make it pretty easy to avoid relatively regular advances from patients, but flirting with this new, hot, sexy fellow doctor is tempting.

The nurses and office staff are giggling, but I can't help myself with this lady. She really has it going on, and the flirting is a real rush. Is it acceptable to go for it, or am I crossing a line?

Dear Sup Doc:

You can get all kinds of degrees, but it’s tougher to educate our libidos. Consider yourself back in school, and this is the principal’s office.

Sure, you want a Callie to your Arizona, and Grey’s Anatomy fantasies of a janitor’s closet rendezvous are hot. Still, playing fodder for gossip is especially troublesome in an office where patients and staff depend on your public image and your head in the game.

This kind of tittering kid stuff not only shows your ass, but is telling. Two doctors really interested in each other could grow up and go out for drinks, but something else is up if you’re conducting your foreplay with an audience.

 

Q:

I’m 22, and I started sleeping with an older coworker when I was 19. I finally quit so we could date in the open, but now they just want a physical relationship and insist it’s still not a good idea to let anyone know we’re together.

Dear Player 1:

This may be tough to hear, but it sounds like while they are relationship material for you, you might be a plaything for them. While you fretted the drama of hiding, they feasted on it. For some people like them, forbidden sex is more interesting than having everything above board. If you can’t get on the same page, turn to your next chapter.

 

The Q is for entertainment purposes and not professional counseling. Send your burning Qs to [email protected].

Illustration by Brad Gibson

A version of this article originally ran in Q magazine. Read the full issue below, and pick up your hard copy around town.