Gender-bending gay Atlanta playwright Topher Payne has a beef with McDonald's and it's not the taste of its food or its impact on his ass. It's the fast food chain's insistence on packing a penis or vagina with every Happy Meal.
Not literally. But asking customers whether they want a toy for a girl or a boy with their meal. He explores the topic for the GA Voice in Is McDonald's supersizing the importance of gender roles?
Or perhaps they haven’t, because the drive-through employee’s next question is one I’ve heard for thirty years: “Girl toy or boy toy?” The rational assumption here is that one of the Happy Meal toys has a penis, and one has a vagina – because that would be the difference between boys and girls.
Payne argues that it's time for McDonald's to stop assigning gender roles to its Happy Meals. For the sake of the children.
Now, I’m not a parent, but if I were I would take real issue with serving my child a meal that includes a My Little Pony with a cervix. And then my kid would have all these questions, and I’d say, “Hush, child, stop your incessant questions regarding your toy’s genitals. Daddy’s watching his stories. Now finish your apple slices and freshen my martini.”
And his testicles.
I do not have the slightest idea what a Megazord is, I assume it’s Latin for “We didn’t land the merchandising contract for Despicable Me 2,” but I do know without question that my testicles do not make me more qualified to build one.
Come on, McDonald's. Don't make him go all Julia Sugarbaker on you (photo).